


Five Months

by Beckybaby7



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Actor Tom Holland, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bad decision making on both parts, Best Friends, Character Death, F/M, Female Friendship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, MJ knows best, Male-Female Friendship, Near Death, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Possible Character Death, Precious Peter Parker, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmates, Spider-Man: Homecoming - Freeform, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Unrequited Love, based on the five stages of grief, but who knows how it will end, reader is a Mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27003859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beckybaby7/pseuds/Beckybaby7
Summary: The first time you touch your soulmate, you’re able to see a glimpse into your future. What happens if your future is also your end?*Based on the Five Stages of Grief*
Relationships: Liz Allan/Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Reader, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Reader, Peter Parker & Reader, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Reader, Peter Parker/Y/N, Peter Parker/You, Spider-Man & Reader, Spider-Man/Reader
Comments: 33
Kudos: 77





	1. Month One, Denial: The Flashforward that Never Happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and your best friend Peter Parker are having a study date. Upon learning that you’re soulmates, more secrets and truths are revealed, and your story might close before it even starts. (Takes place during ”Homecoming”, give or take some plot details. Bold and italics are thoughts.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I have no idea what I'm doing, but I have had this story for a while and wanted to share it with the world, so please enjoy. I'll try to update this soon, as this is my main form of procrastinating.

“You think by now I would be able to write a stupid chemical equation,” you complained, throwing your hands up in exasperation and slumping into your bed.

Your best friend Peter lets out an airy laugh from your desk, not even looking at you. He was too busy trying with the book in front of him, making sure he remembered as much as he possibly could. You were having a big study session tonight to prepare for midterms. For the past couple days, you, Ned, Peter, and occasionally MJ have all been hanging out to prepare. However, tonight you and Peter just wanted to study with each other. Not only were you two the only ones that could keep up with each other, but you were also best friends. Shoutout to your freshman physics teacher for pairing you two up, you’ve been inseparable ever since, despite what Ned might think. When it came down to it, you and Peter were each other’s number one.

“You can look at my notes for that chapter if you want, hopefully they help.” Peter offered, but all you could do was let out a heavy sigh.

“I don’t know at this point; my wires are getting crossed. I’m fifty percent sure what I’m studying is chemistry. Can we please take a break or something?”

“Maybe later, I’m almost done with this section, can’t lose steam now.” Peter said as he continued to trudge on, not even blinking an eye at you.

You admired his determination, for a second it makes you think he might be the smarter between you two, but you would never say that to his face, no matter how cute it is. You couldn’t deny that your best friend was probably one of the most adorable people you’ve ever met, but that didn’t mean you liked him in that way. After all, you knew it would never happen. He’s not your soulmate.

Everyone is given a soulmate when they are born. A soulmate could be found by as simple as a touch. From a hug, a friendly high-five, or even an accidental check to the shoulder, you’d be able to find out who was made for you. After physical contact with your future partner, both people can see what the future holds for them. A quick glimpse, and you could see your happily ever after. You and Peter have been friends for about three years, meaning there have been plenty of opportunities for physical contact with each other, though you couldn’t exactly remember a specific one. It must’ve happened at one point though; if you had a romantic future with your best friend, surely you both would’ve realized by now.

However, even though you tried to push away any romantic thoughts, you just couldn’t resist every now and then. Since the start of this year, you started to pay closer attention to Peter. MJ taught you how to quietly observe, and you occasionally used these newfound skills on him, albeit with slight guilt. You started to notice when Peter’s curly hair got messy throughout the day, and you caught yourself watching as he struggles to keep it neat. You also noted how he had a habit of talking nonstop when he’s excited, probably trying to organize his sporadic thoughts. You felt a small flutter in your stomach when he smiled, and a slightly bigger one when he laughed at your jokes. Yet these moments didn’t mean anything to you. It was harmless. You knew when your soulmate came, you would instantly fall for them and forget all about the brunet. In the end, Peter would always just be your best friend. Nothing more.

Peter was the friend that you could confide everything to. There wasn’t a secret that you didn’t tell him, and you know he feels the same. You trusted each other with your lives. At least you thought so.

A few months ago, he got an internship at Stark Industries, something that you have been applauding him for ever since. It was a great opportunity, and you were glad Peter was the one who got it. However, despite the achievement you couldn’t help but be disappointed in his new schedule. He dropped marching band and robotics club for the internship, leaving you to fend for yourself in both activites. Peter has been having more late nights since then, causing him to fight his fatigue during the day. Most importantly, his internship left him canceling your plans last-minute, leaving you in the dust. The time spent together seemed to be shortening every day. You try to let it slide as you could only imagine the hectic schedule Tony Stark has, yet you still couldn’t exactly make out the sense of it all. Peter was a normal, although brilliant, kid. How important could an intern be?

You push those thoughts aside for today. Right now, he’s yours. Peter has been available all week for studying, so both of you took advantage of your time together. You realize that you’ve been staring at the back of Peter’s head this whole time, spacing out, but also admiring how focused he was. Even if he didn’t study, his classes were so effortless for him. You sat up, glancing at your friend one more time before returning to your worn-out notebook. Just as you were starting to focus, you hear police sirens race by your apartment. You ignore the noise as it quickly dies away and continue to look at your notes. However, Peter suddenly became tense, the hair on his arms prickling up.

He knew that he should go out and follow the emergency, but he couldn’t leave without warning. Peter starts to fidget with the pen in his hand, maybe the cops didn’t need Spider-Man tonight. As he was trying to ignore the sirens, he couldn’t help but run through a list of plausible excuses just in case. A few minutes pass, and more police cars speed past the road.

**_Forget it, I just need an excuse._ **

“Sorry Y/N, Mr. Stark texted and said he needs to see me right now,” You snap your head up as Peter scrambles to pack his things. “Uh y-you can take my notebook to study. I don’t need it.”

He continues to stuff his books in his backpack and doesn’t notice the irritated look on your face. “You can’t be serious right now, what could he possibly want this late at night?”

You don’t want to snap at the boy, but Jesus Christ. Why is he always leaving at the worst possible times? You clench your jaw, trying to bite back on saying anything you might regret.

“I’ll explain later, I have to go now or it’ll be too late.” Peter throws his backpack over his shoulder, the guilt starting to pool inside.

“No, you don’t Peter, you’re just an intern. He’s not asking you to save the world.”

If only you knew. It hurts Peter that he couldn’t tell you the truth, but it’s for your own good. Yet this isn’t all that great either, both of you were tired of the sudden disappearances. But what else could he do? If Peter told you his secret, he’d be putting you at risk. The last thing he wanted was for his best friend to get hurt, especially if it’s because of him.

“Y/N please, I’m really sorry. I promise we can study tomorrow if you want.” Peter’s urgency increases, and he’s praying to god that you’ll let it slide.

You don’t seem to be letting him go that easily. He could see the anger in your eyes as they narrowed, drowning him in guilt.

“I don’t care about that!” You yell, Peter’s shoulders tensing up. “I want to know why you’re running off late at night for no reason.”

“And I’ll give you an answer later, just not right now.” With that, Peter is almost out the door before you jump up to meet him.

“This is such bullshit,” you snarl as you grab his wrist, stopping him from turning the doorknob.

Suddenly, you and Peter were outside. 39th Street, in front of the Daily Bugle, to be exact. The street is usually buzzing, people at every corner, but it’s dark and empty. You couldn’t help but feel an ominous mood surrounding the area. You were kneeling on the sidewalk, the rough pavement scratching on your knees. You look down and finally notice Peter on the ground with you. Your arms were wrapped around him as you basically cuddled him. He felt cold, shivering just enough to feel the vibration throughout your arms. After the initial confusion about the position, you start to take in his features. His lower lip was cut, a fine red line in the middle that contrasted the paleness of the rest of his mouth. His right eye had a red bruise under it that was turning purple, and a bloody gash could be spotted in the upper corner of his head. The rest of his face was decorated in smears of dirt and dust. Beyond the confusion and the horrendous state of his face, you could see that Peter was absolutely terrified.

“Y/N I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I don’t know what happened I-“

“Shhhhhhh, it’s okay Peter. It’s okay. You’re okay, I promise.” You assured.

It was like word vomit; you couldn’t stop yourself from speaking. You didn’t even know what was happening right now, but the conversation seemed to know where it was going. Stunned and confused, you felt a terrible strain on your heart. You couldn’t exactly make out an emotion that went along with this, but something in the back of your head knew what was happening. _Heartbreak_.

Unless you suddenly became a wizard overnight, you did not have the ability to teleport. How could this be happening? Was this a dream? Just seconds ago you were arguing with your best friend about his recent flakiness. You were annoyed with the secrecy, so you stopped him and grabbed his wrist…

**_His wrist._ **

**_Your hand._ **

**_You grabbed his wrist._ **

**_You made physical contact with Peter._ **

**_This wasn’t a dream._ **

**_This was a glimpse into the future._ **

**_Peter was your soulmate._ **

Panic started to radiate off your body, your breaths getting heavier with each inhale. You tried to focus, looking around the scene in front of you for clarification. Your eyes started to water, everything slightly blurring together. An urge to cry was crawling up your throat. Your body felt like it was on fire, you were surprised it didn’t spontaneously combust at that very moment. Everything just hurt.

Forcing yourself to ignore the burn, you saw the rubble that covered the road across from you and the destroyed buildings it fell off from. Cars were almost pressed flat like a pancake and you could see the sharp crystals of glass surrounding it. You heard sirens and car alarms in the faint distance, but no one was here to save you two from this nightmare. Finally, you look down and are met again with the face of a broken and scared Peter.

That’s when you notice the feeling on your hand. Warm and wet. You pull it up to your face to look at it, but it’s covered red. Blood. Thick, warm blood drenched your entire right hand. You let out a shaking gasp when you realize it wasn’t yours. Looking down past Peter’s face, you see his stomach covered red. In a panic, you put your hand back to where it once was. You vaguely remember people saying to keep pressure on the wound. Holding Peter tighter you try to keep your eyes away from your hands. You realize he wasn’t wearing normal clothes. He was wearing nothing but red and blue. In Peter’s right hand, you see a bunched up, red cloth, almost like a hat, or a mask even. But on the chest of his hoodie, just above the blood…

A spider.

You wanted to question the wounded boy in your grasp, but his eyes started to close. You were about to scream at the sight. It was too late. At that same moment, you were back in your apartment, hand on top of Peter’s. The scene before you was gone.

You direct your stare from your hand to his face. He was pale and his eyes looked hollow. Mouth parted in shock; you could imagine you looked the same. You tried to focus on Peter, trying to find something to say. You were tongue-tied, mouth going dry at the thought of making words. Your right hand was still firmly grasped onto Peter’s wrist. The same hand that was covered in blood. _His blood._

The shock of the memory made your body go numb. So, you let go. You stepped back to stare at him, squeezing your hands into fists. Arms shaking and knuckles turning white, you were almost ready to cry. You tried to keep a distance from him, as if he was some bomb waiting to go off. In fact, he kinda was.

Face still white as snow, Peter is snapped back into reality when he hears the sirens engulf the borough. This time, you paid attention too. All you could do was listen to the noise and let it ring through your ears. It almost felt like the emergency was you.

“Y/N I have to-’’ Peter tried to speak, but you cut him off before he could finish.

“Yeah, y-you need to go,” Fully understanding what he meant all these times.

Peter nods, lips slightly pursed. He couldn’t handle your terrified, icy stare, so he quickly faces the door once again. He turns the doorknob with less force this time, but still just as guilt-ridden. When the door closes, you were officially all alone. You blink, a single tear slipping from each of your eyes. Three thoughts kept your brain occupied for the rest of the night.

**_Peter Parker was Spider-Man._ **

**_Peter Parker was your soulmate._ **

**_Peter Parker was going to die, and you didn’t know what to do._ **

\---

After he left and the morning after, you didn’t hear back from Peter. When you woke up in the morning, your first instinct was to check your phone. Sadly, you lacked any messages from a certain spiderling. You weren’t surprised, but you were still disappointed. As you got ready for school, you couldn’t help but be nervous. It seemed that every step you took, there was a sense of uncertainty. One wrong move and a boobytrap would show itself. But you couldn’t miss school due to midterms. The school also didn’t have “existential crisis due to future with soulmate” listed under possible excuses, but that wasn’t exactly a common issue among students. Ignoring the terrible feeling in your gut, you grab your backpack and head out the door.

The subway ride there didn’t clear out anything in your head. You enter the building with muddled thoughts and a twinge of unsolved anger. Peter has been keeping this secret for months. Ever since the videos of Spider-Man appeared over the past year, it’s all everyone at school talks about. In fact, you’ve probably gushed about how he cool he was to Peter. You were one of many that happened to have a celebrity crush on Spider-Man. Did it not occur to him that he’s had so many opportunities to tell you?

Frustration continues to boil your blood, but you knew better. You couldn’t be mad at his secret right now, not after seeing what the future holds for you two. But then when can you be mad at him? It seems like you were at a loss for answers and until you talk to Peter about it all, you were going to be left clueless.

You opened your locker and grabbed your books for class. Too focused on avoiding thoughts about a certain hero, you didn’t notice MJ on the other side of your locker door until you closed it, making your shoulders tense up.

“And I thought I was the mopey one,” MJ observed.

“Yeah well, I guess I’m just not in the mood today.”

Dozens of thoughts started to wrap around your brain. Does she know about Peter’s secret? MJ’s smart, with enough observation she might’ve been able to figure it out. Did Ned know? Was Spider-Man a secret he could only tell another guy? Peter isn’t sexist, is he? What if you weren’t actually his best friend and you were the third wheel between him and Ned all along?

“Y/N?” MJ asked, eyebrows scrunched. Her head was tilted in confusion.

“Sor-sorry. Spaced off,” You dismissed.

MJ nodded, but she was still a little confused by your shaky attitude. You wanted to end the conversation there, but you couldn’t wait to talk to Peter. For all you know, he wouldn’t even show up to school. You decided that MJ will suffice as a confidant.

“This is a super random question but, what do you think of soulmates?” You didn’t know how to word the question without sounding like a weirdo, but you hope that MJ will just answer it without questioning you back.

“I mean, what about it?”

“Just- what do you think? Is it real?”

You kept trying to avert your eyes, but when you looked back at MJ she seemed her normal, uncaring self.

“Well, I mean, I couldn’t care less,” You can only stare at her in response. “Who knows when that’s gonna happen to me, or you for that matter. But like, why argue with the universe? Seems like they know what they’re doing.”

_Well if that’s the case, then the universe has a terrible hit list._

“So, you think being with your soulmate is inevitable?” You continue to ask.

“Well, what are you gonna do, avoid them forever? Seems kinda stupid to do that, don’t you think? If you find them, just go for it, you have no reason not to.”

You could think of a million reasons why not to, but before you could list them all in your head, MJ continues to talk.

“I’m sorry but why are you bringing this up? Did you find yours or something?” Silence fell between you two.

“No, I was just wondering. Cause, wow, you know?”

“It hurts to watch you lie. You know that?” MJ states.

“Hey, I can keep a secret. In fact, I have tons of secrets.”

 ** _Like the fact that my soulmate has an expiration date_**.

MJ laughs at your response. “Uh, okay. You keep telling yourself that. Last time you tried to pull a lie you ended up telling Ms. Gonzales that you had a long-lost twin.”

You cringe at the memory. Maybe she did have a point, but you knew you couldn’t tell her the exact details without Peter’s permission. Your somewhat pathetic lies will have to do.

“Anyways, back to the case at hand… It must’ve happened recently. Maybe yesterday?”

You were starting to think that MJ was the real-life Sherlock Holmes, she was going off of nothing but a question and a terrible lie. Amidst being impressed by her detective work, you wish this case was left cold. You continued to remain silent as she scanned your face for clues.

“Wait, didn’t you have a study date with Peter?”

You were by surprise at how quickly she guessed correctly. MJ knew she hit the target when your eyes shifted away from her.

“It’s him. Peter’s your soulmate. Oh my god, I had a feeling you were, but you’ve been friends for so long I wasn’t sure. How did this not happen sooner? By now I thought you’ve made out at least once for the heck of it. Not even a hug or something?”

You sighed, looking sadly at your friend. “I don’t know MJ. I don’t want to go into all of it right now, I just wanted an opinion. And no, we have not kissed ‘for the heck of it’.” You bite the inside of your cheek as you gave a small eye roll, falling silent once again.

Your dark-haired friend was left confused by your statement. Since when were soulmates a bad thing, especially when your soulmate was your best friend? MJ knew better than to push it. She would just wait till you were ready to say more.

“He left before we had a chance to talk about it. I was afraid he wouldn’t show up today, I talked to you so I wouldn’t go crazy thinking about it all day. But I might just have to. This was stupid to even bring up in the first place.” You apologized, frustrated.

There was so much that you couldn’t talk about, you regret talking about it at all. The only person that you were able to talk to isn’t to be seen. Your deepening frown indicates to MJ that the conversation was coming to a close. She simply nods and you say your goodbyes before parting ways.

Your first period class goes by slowly as you try to shake off any negative thoughts along with your grogginess. Your teacher lets your class have a study hall to prepare for your tests. You decided to finish up your studying from yesterday, grabbing your chemistry notebook and opening it up. Sadly, you forgot how confused it left you last night, so you shove it in your backpack before spotting Peter’s. Just because he wasn’t talking to you doesn’t mean you couldn’t use his notes.

You flip through the pages trying to find the section you were looking for, when a dog-eared page catches your eye. You open it to find the title “Web Fluid, Version 3.01” written in blue ink. You can’t help but smile at the page, admiring his neat handwriting and sketches scattered throughout. His work was admirable, and you’ve seen plenty of videos of him webbing through the city that proved his formula to be true. The stuff was strong, and at that moment, you could only be impressed by his work. Peter was truly was of the smartest guys out there, and he was using his skills to save the city, how could you not be proud of him?

Yet as amazing as Spider-Man was, he was also Peter Parker; the guy who hasn’t talked to you since last night. The person who ends up risking their life to save New York. The boy who was your soulmate. Dispirited, you closed the notebook and decided to study for your calculus test instead.

Second period was chemistry, a subject that seems to keep coming up not only in your studies, but also in your life. You and Peter were lab partners, which meant if he was here, you would be met with his presence very soon. Less than a minute later, you spot his curly hair entering the doorway.

**_It doesn’t look at neat as it normally does. He’s probably just as distressed as me. Probably more, cause… death…_ **

Peter takes his normal spot next to you, keeping his stare straight forward toward the whiteboard. At first, you thought you should do the same, but you hated the silent treatment. It was now or never, you had to confront him _now_.

“Uh, h-hey.”

 **_Nailed it_ ** **…**

He awkwardly turns his head to meet your gaze. Nodding, he gives you a classic white person smile before saying hi back. This was such foreign territory to you, Peter might keep to himself with people he doesn’t know, but the two of you always had something to say to the other. A small part of you wished none of this ever happened. You liked going to school. You liked the friend group you settled into. You liked the life you’ve been living. Most importantly, you liked the relationship you had with Peter. Any other feeling besides friendship felt null and void. You could easily give it up to stay friends with Peter, but that doesn’t seem like an option.

“Pete, I wanted to talk about-” The bell cuts you off before you finish your sentence.

Normally, the bell wouldn’t stop you from talking. Throughout the class, you and Peter would continue to make small talk as you paid attention to the lesson. But Peter turns away from you and stares back at the board. You knew this wasn’t a topic that you could just push onto him, you were on the outside looking in. Opening your backpack, you grab his notebook and slowly slide it sideways across the table.

“The webs are impressive by the way.” You complimented, mouth curling into a small smile.

Peter ignores your comment and grabs the notebook. In another reality or situation, he would’ve been extremely flattered by the compliment, but all he did was avoid your stare. He spaces off the rest of class and you could tell by the emptiness in his face. You were in the same boat. Words went in one ear and numbers out the other. This was probably the trickiest class for you and you knew you needed to pay attention. But when there’s a human-sized obstacle sitting right next to you, everything else was blocked.

You couldn’t blame Peter. He could go rob a bank and you wouldn’t blame him. _He was dying_. It seemed like it was your fault. You touched him and you were the one that was running toward him for a confrontation. The thought only makes you more disheartened. When class is over, he quickly heads for the door and is one of the first people to leave. You don’t go running after him, not right now. Slowly standing up from your chair, you leave the classroom and head to your next class.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) for both you and Peter’s sake, you had different classes third period. The only friend in your English class was Ned, and you had a feeling that might be just as awkward. You weren’t sure how much he knew of the situation.

Walking toward your desk, you make eye contact with Ned. You tried to force a genuine smile for him as he awkwardly sends one back. He seemed unsure of what to say to you, his thumb rubbing back and forth on his pen. Your smile turns into a look of concern as you sit down.

For midterms your English class had to write research essays, but you and Ned both finished yours early. Proud that you didn’t procrastinate on your work, you wish you both had something to keep yourself occupied. You turn your head to look at Ned, but when he turns back, you look away. Your leg was shaking, and you were torn between talking or keeping your mouth shut. Taking in a deep breath, you grab your chair and move it next to Ned’s desk.

“Hey,” You whispered so the whole class didn’t hear you. 

“Hey Y/N.” Ned replies.

“Do you know?”

“Know what?”

“You know… the thing?” You asked, referring to the soulmate situation.

Your eyes widened, trying to give him the look. It only left Ned confused, and to be honest, a little scared. You had a slightly crazy look in your eyes, like you were on the hunt for something.

“There’s a thing?” He questioned.

“Peter… me…”

“Spider-Man?” He does know, about one thing at least. How could Peter trust him but not you?

“What no, that’s not what I’m talking about dude.”

“Oh. Well then he’s not Spider-Man…” You give him an _are you kidding me_ look, squinting your eyes.

“I already know his secret, Ned. I’m asking if you know about last night.” You wanted to know how Peter felt so you could help him. The silence was understandable, but he couldn’t do it forever.

Ned bites his lip and takes a deep inhale. “Well, I know some.” You nod your head, encouraging him to continue. “All he said was you two were soulmates, but Spider-Man would just put you in danger. That’s pretty much it. But it was weird though, he seemed super out of it this morning. Like something else was bothering him.”

You swallow hard. Peter didn’t give him much to go off of so you don’t say anything else. You give a half smile to Ned as a way of saying thanks. Neither one of you knew what to say, and Ned hated the awkward silence. Ned’s eyes light up and he turns to grab something from his bag.

“Hey, we still have thirty minutes left of class. Do you want to play _World of Warcraft_ with me?” He smiles, opening up his laptop.

You let out a soft chuckle at the offer, appreciating the gesture. Ned truly was one of the sweetest guys ever. You’re jealous of whoever gets to end up with him.

“Hell yeah, dude.” You grin, scooting your chair closer to him.

That was the first real smile from today.

\---

Peter had successfully avoided you the rest of the school day. He skipped out on lunch to study in the library. In the two other classes you shared, he managed to be the first one in there and picked a spot in the back corner. By the time you got into class, most of the spots around him were taken, leaving you to sit close to the front. The boy thought he was in the clear when he opened the front doors to head out. He stopped walking to take in the fresh air and let the traffic lighten up. However, you got there faster and were already outside. You realized that Peter would try to avoid talking to you forever, but you both needed answers now.

You both spot each other at the same time. Peter was a deer in headlights, but he took his feet and try to quickly walk away from you. He was so close to the gates before you stopped right in front of him. You were concerned, how could you not be? Peter stops too, not moving away from you. The expression on his face was hard to read, but you could see his jaw tense up. Has it always been that chiseled?

You swat away the ridiculous thought. It was a miracle that you were able to catch up to him, especially at the speed he was going at. Afraid that he could run away at any given moment, you opened your mouth.

“I let you ignore me all day, but I know you’re going to keep at it unless I stop it. I have no idea what to say right now, but that doesn’t mean you should run-”

Once there were fewer students in the way, Peter started to push away from you. He didn’t know what to say anyway, what was the point?

“I’m sorry Y/N but I should be going.”

“Peter please…” You trail off, but it was no use.

“I-I’m sorry. I just, I need to go.” Peter excuses himself, jumping over the ten-foot gate in front of you.

**_Was he always this obvious? Jesus, dude._ **

“I’m not going to stop until we talk!” You yelled, but you doubted he heard.

However, Peter’s senses were able to pick up your exclamation, much to his dismay. He hated that he didn’t talk to you all day, but looking at you brought a wave of emotions. Confusion, panic, _fear_. The idea of confronting what was at hand seemed hard, but manageable. But when it actually happens, or almost happens, it feels like he’s looking at a black hole. If he got too close, he might get sucked in.

He turned a corner and was met with an alleyway. Webbing his bag to the wall, he starts changing into his alter-ego. Halfway into getting into his suit, Peter starts to breathe heavier. It felt like he was struck by lightning, all of his senses going into overload. Seconds later, his chest is heaving. Oxygen couldn’t get into his system fast enough, the buildings around him tilting and spinning. The pain in his upper body increased and the rest of him started to burn up. He had an urge to be dunked into cold water, but he already felt like he was drowning. Knees buckling, he collapsed to the ground as his face almost meets the ground. Peter found his mask but kept struggling to open the hole for his head. He stretched the fabric as far as it could go and onto his head. Lopsided at first from his shaky hands, the mask adjusted itself and starts tracking his vitals. The mask helped calm down his enhanced senses, but it only does so much. The nausea remained as the world started to settle. Peter could see that besides his heartrate being over 150, he was perfectly fine health-wise. Too bad he still felt like he was dying.

The thought crossing his mind made his face scrunch in agony as hot tears began to spill. A cold breeze passes by and Peter slowly finishes getting dressed. He continues to leave the mask on to hide his tears, even if the mask isn’t fully soaking them up. The mask hides his identity from the world and puts up a barrier. Bad guys don’t see his fear, and he can pretend that he’s not scared. Hiding his cries, he pretends that his life hasn’t changed. After regaining control of his breathing and heartrate, he bits his lip hard as he blinks away the last of his tears. Crime was living on the streets and he needed to stop it. As he shoots a web, he takes a deep breath and ignores his burning, red eyes. For now, he’s just a friendly, _living_ , neighborhood Spider-Man.

\---

May treated you as if you were her child, so it wasn’t a surprise when she let you into her apartment with ease. You felt guilty for doing so, but you tried to assure yourself it was for good reason. You wanted to help Peter and possibly _save_ him. Whatever you could do to help, you wanted to figure it out. The only way to do so is to talk to him, which is why you decided to wait in his room until he came back. May said he was at the “Stark Internship” and should be back soon, all you had to do was wait.

More than thirty minutes pass and you were growing impatient. You didn’t do anything to pass the time, as if occupying yourself was disrespecting the matter. All you could was think and try to imagine the fear he must be experiencing. Maybe he knew it was a possibility given his job, but you knew Peter. He looked out for others before himself. You were similar in that way, which is why you two worked so well together. You looked out for one another, which is why you were sitting on his bed waiting for him to come home.

You pull your knees to your chest and place your chin on top. Studying has put a toll on you and the lack of sleep from last night didn’t help either. Fatigue began to creep in as your eyes started to close. You would’ve had completely fallen asleep if it weren’t for Peter opening his window, crawling inside.

He locks the window, snapping you out of your catnap. You look around the room to find it empty. Well, all except a red and blue spider on the ceiling. You closed the door after you came in, so you were able to yell, “What the fuck Peter?” with more volume.

He didn’t even notice you when he came in, too busy trying to be silent. You were the last person he thought he would see. The surprise was so alarming, he loses his grip, back meeting the carpet with a loud smack.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” You panic, leaning forward on his bed. 

He only replies in a grunt, slightly in pain.

“A-are you okay?” You ask.

“Yeah, I’m great. Just perfect.” He says as he starts to sit up, taking off his mask.

There was more sarcasm laced in his voice than normal. You figured it wasn’t due to the fall, although that probably didn’t help. A wave of guilt hits you once again. The meeting wasn’t ideal, but it had to do.

Peter begins to stand up, taking off his mask. His face looked more tired than it did this morning and his eyes were slightly swollen. Neither of you say anything as you both knew why you were here.

“I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now. And I know this isn’t the best idea, but it was the only idea I had. I get why you’re avoiding this, but I want to help. You’re my best friend Peter, you’re so important to me. So please, can we talk? For both our sakes.”

You looked like you were on the verge of tears, which pulled on Peter’s heartstrings even more. He couldn’t run away from you, a clever move on your part. You couldn’t solve anything if you didn’t talk about it, and Peter really missed not talking to you, even if it was only for a day. It might’ve been the dread, but school felt bleak and boring without you. Even though he ignored you in chemistry, it was still the most interesting part of his day.

The silence got less awkward as you could see Peter thinking. He sighs and gives you a small nod, agreeing. You give him a small smile in response.

“I didn’t actually think this far through; I was so nervous just to come over.” Peter quietly chuckles at your lack of preparation. His face warms up to you, boosting your confidence. It’s just Peter. Your friend Peter.

“Wait actually,” Peter interrupts. “Do you mind if I change out of the suit? It’s just, May doesn’t know so…”

“Oh, yeah sure. Sorry.”

You don’t move, however, confusing the brown-haired boy.

“Oh, you meant here. Right. My bad. I’ll just, yeah.” You stutter, motioning that you’ll turn around.

It takes you a second to realize his suit was different. More high tech, probably Tony Stark’s doing. In the future, he was wearing an older suit, one from his earlier YouTube videos. A relief fills your body. It might not happen after all, with an upgrade like this he would never go back to his original Spider-Man costume.

Peter presses the spider on his chest and his suit loosens and slips right off of him. He rummages around for a shirt and you start to slowly turn your head toward him before you even realized. It wasn’t a good idea, but there was a sudden urge of curiosity that made you want to look. What you saw made you draw back a breath. You figured Spider-Man had a lot of muscle, but seeing it on Peter was different. The idea that they were the same person is still very new to you, so you couldn’t help but stare.

If you had to describe Peter’s attractiveness, the only word you could use was “cute”. Looking at him now, you could see it wasn’t the case. He was beautiful, hot even. Your stare wasn’t a sexual one, but one of admiration. Part of you thought you were starting to notice who Peter truly was. He quickly puts a baggy shirt and some sweatpants, and you look away at the last second. A pink blush warms your cheeks. When he’s fully composed, you turn and both look at each other. Peter seemed to be at a loss for words as his mouth kept opening, almost looking like a fish with his pathetic attempt. You flash an awkward smile before starting the conversation. 

“I’m sorry. I know I’m pushing it, but I’m at a loss right now. You’re my first priority, forever and always. I’m always here for you, even if you don’t want me to be.” Peter flashes you a sheepish smile at your words. “But why, Peter? Why would you keep this from me?”

You were trying to ease him into an easier conversation, although without the whole soulmate doom looming over you, this subject wasn’t an effortless manner to discuss. Peter sighs, remorse shown on his face.

“You’re my first priority too, I care about you so much. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt, fo-for anyone to get hurt.” He stutters at the last part. “But I have an obligation to save the city. The world doesn’t hand around powers like these to anyone, so I need to use them. I didn’t want anyone to be caught in the storm, especially you. Ned found out on his own when he caught me red-handed, I didn’t mean for him to know. But I should’ve told you when he did, and I’m sorry about that. I was just looking out for you and everyone else.” The confession earns Peter a half smile from you.

“It’s okay, Pete. It hurts, yeah. But I’ll get there.” You never use this nickname on him very often, but it felt like the right time to do so. “I understand, I probably would’ve done the same thing. I was just shocked, you’re the Spider-Man after all.”

A small chuckle surrounds the two of you, the first smile between you two today. You wish you had more time to process this more, but both of you had more important issues. Knowing that eventually you’ll get over his secrecy, you accept his apology. He did it because he cared, and you shouldn’t be mad at someone for caring.

“I’m going to be honest, Peter, I don’t know what else to say. Surely you have a million thoughts running through your head.” You encourage, hoping he’ll shed some light on how he’s feeling.

“I-I, I don’t know actually.” He shrugs.

“Oh. Okay, uh, that’s fine. I guess we’re on the same page.” You say, followed by an awkward and uncomfortable laugh.

Nothing? How could he be so nonchalant about all this? Peter seems so calm and collected, you weren’t sure if he realized the situation at hand. Or maybe he does, and he’s just in denial of it all. You weren’t sure which of the two it was. Hesitant on asking, you tried to think of something else to say. However, Peter stops you from speaking again.

“Actually, this is kinda weird. Um, you see the thing is, I’ve been interested in Liz lately.”

The confession made you surprised and hurt, to say the least. You figured Peter would at least feel a slight attraction like you did, given the news that the two of you were soulmates. But you also couldn’t blame him for eyeing Liz. Popular, smart, beautiful in every way, of course Peter would be into the captain of his decathlon team. Well, his used-to-be decathlon team. It now makes more sense as to why Peter quit, yet another club he left you behind in.

“Th-that-that is great. She-she is great.” You reply, trying to make this conversation less awkward.

“Yeah, I know that’s not how it works…”

**_No shit, Sherlock. We end up together no matter what._ **

”But I don’t know, she’s cool and I want to get to know her. It’s not like, illegal to date your non-soulmate. Plus, she seems like she likes me enough, why not at least try?”

**_Why try when you have your freaking soulmate right next to you? Why are you so dense?_ **

You wanted to scream these thoughts at him. Grab his shoulders and shake some sense into him. But you couldn’t push Peter, not now, maybe not ever. Going along with whatever he said seemed easier for him, and hopefully you too.

“Yeah no, I get it.” You lie.

How could you get it? You’ve had eyes on him for more than half a year. The soulmate discovery only confirmed that your feelings were real and not a fling. You had the love of your life right in front of your eyes, but he was nothing but a ghost right now. Wasn’t the concept of soulmates supposed to make love easier? The romantic comedies that you watched were set in universes that didn’t have this luxury, and it was a pain seeing them try to find “the one”. You pitied the characters, but now it seems like you’re one and the same.

“So, what do you want to do about all this? About us, or whatever.”

“Uh, nothing really.” Peter awkwardly crosses his arms. “I mean, there’s nothing really to do, right? I mean, I don’t really like you in that way.”

**_Ouch._ **

“So, yeah. I say let’s just keep doing what we’re doing. S’been working for a couple of years already, why ruin our friendship?”

You nod at Peter, but your eyes try to look anywhere but at his. Every time he opens his mouth, he’s ripping your heart bit by bit. But the situation is just too much and too awkward, it seems that your heart is too busy to be broken right now. Maybe his idea is what’s best after all, though to your dismay. Both of you were in agreement, and you were off on your depressing way. The journey home felt like the longest ten minutes of your life.

And that was that; the rest of the week at school goes by as if nothing happened between you two. He would sit next to you at lunch and joke around with Ned with a smile on his face, and it actually seemed genuine. Peter was not a good liar, but when your life is on the line, perhaps anyone’s inner actor can be brought out. You reluctantly continue with your life, cracking half-ass jokes across the chemistry table. Midterms came and gone, you and all your friends passing with flying colors. It kept you all occupied for the last two days, and any awkward conversation was blamed on your focus on your studies. To the outside, it seemed that your friendship was the same as it’s always been. And maybe to Peter, it felt the same way.

But in the back of your heads, you know better. You could never look at each other the same again.


	2. Month Two, Anger: Love Isn't a Decathlon Event

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still best friends and nothing more, you learn this battle isn’t so easy after all. You hope Peter feels it too, but you also hope he doesn’t. At least you have Nationals to keep you busy. (bold and italics are thoughts)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy, I'll try to update next week. Thanks to all of you guys that have read this, it means the world to me (lol I'm bad at author's notes)

As the days of continuing your charade with Peter roll into the next couple of weeks and eventually the next month, you couldn’t help but feel annoyed at this game. The next half of the semester has started, and you couldn’t blame tests for the lull that continued to grow.

But the more irked you became, the bigger the guilt grew in the back of your head. **_How dare you feel like this_ ,** you thought. Putting yourself first seemed far too selfish, but you couldn’t exactly talk to Peter about this, especially when he’s avoiding you whenever possible. Not being able to talk about it was killing you, as if your confrontation at his apartment brought no closure.

As the weeks passed, and the fall breeze brushed through the trees, you’ve had to time to think about the facts at hand. You and Peter were soulmates, and though the situation wasn’t ideal, it did confirm your feelings that preceded this chaos. 

All the times you caught yourself staring at Peter meant something, and all the times you’d flash a dorky smile at his corny jokes were genuine signs of admiration. You were smitten since you met the boy, and part of you wants to kick yourself for brushing off these moments. Maybe everything could be different if you realized sooner, or if your flashback showed something that indicated a forever…

These thoughts have started to cloud your head far more than you would like, your brain off in another world during class. Your grades weren’t slipping quite yet, but you know they eventually will if you continue to let this distraction get to you more than it already has. The only thing you can do is to simply accept the decision Peter made; it’s his life, after all. Unless miracles exist, you’re stuck being the heartbroken girl.

At this moment, however, you were also the exhausted girl. Today was fitness exam day in gym, and you were stuck on the sweaty mats, forced to do sit-ups for the next few minutes. MJ was your partner per usual, holding your feet to keep you steady. You didn’t really care about your numbers, so you took your time and talked to your friend instead. You were multitasking by watching Peter going up and down on the mat, only pretending to be struggling. Just earlier he got around fifteen sit-ups in the first ten seconds.

 ** _Damn spider powers…._**

“Okay, so it’s been, what, a month since you and Peter figured out you were soulmates?” MJ asked as you came up. “And to clarify, you two are still just friends?”

You did another sit-up before responding. “Yep, same as when you asked the other day.” **_And the day before, and the day before…_**

“Well sorry, but it’s kinda confusing, isn’t it? You two are basically together all the time; you’re just adding boning to the equation.”

You prop your elbows on your knees, stopping to look at MJ with wild eyes.

“Seriously, MJ? You didn’t have to say it like that.” You scoff. “And besides, it’s more complicated than just adding ‘you know what’ to our friendship.”

She laughs at your innocent wording as you fall back down, ready for more dreadful sit-ups. 

“You’re such a dork sometimes, which is exactly why you’re perfect for Peter. You even told me that you thought you had feelings for him _before_ you found out. I wouldn’t be so worried about his crime fighting, if he was going to get seriously hurt, he would’ve by now.”

**_What?_ **

The coach blows the whistle, indicating for each pair to switch roles. MJ lets go of your feet and takes a seat in front of you. You both knew she wasn’t going to do the sit-ups, avoiding the physical activity most of the time by sitting on the bleachers reading.

“How did you-” You shakily begin, breath trying to steady after the work you’ve just been through.

“You’ve seen all the times he’s up and left? Weren’t you the least suspicious as to why? I mean, it was either Spider-Man or male escort, so.”

“I’m glad you didn’t go with the latter, then. Ugh, did everyone piece this together before I did? Some best friend I am.” You sigh, rolling your eyes at your stupidity. Peter was never one to keep secrets that easily, yet this still passed your radar.

“I know everyone’s secrets, Y/N. You’re not a bad friend, everyone knows you and Peter are perfect for each other. Except for you, apparently?” MJ raises an eyebrow at you, going back to her original question.

“I mean, I’m still shocked about it, but Peter doesn’t want anything to change. He’s too busy to worry about all this soulmate bullcrap.” You try to excuse. Whether or not you liked the situation, you weren’t going to tell your friend the actual truth, not until Peter is okay with it.

Before MJ had a chance to argue with your comment, you hear a yell. Specifically, one near where Peter and Ned were. All heads snapped toward the source of the sound.

“Peter knows Spider-Man!” Ned says all too excitedly.

“Oh god,” you mumbled softly, squinting your eyes in disbelief. Peter was the same way, mouth agape at his friend’s words.

Fortunately, the claim didn’t expose anything. In fact, it earned the two an invitation to Liz’s party, which wasn’t as fortunate. Jealousy slowly started to creep onto your face as you shifted your stare between the two of them throughout class. Peter likes Liz, and Liz likes Spider-Man. Despite being soulmates, Peter seems to have the stars aligned with someone else. The rest of class somehow sucked even worse than normal.

As you walk with MJ to the locker room, you’re stopped by none other than Liz. **_How great_** , you thought. You try your best to keep a pleasant face, but your smile was too tight to be genuine.

“You probably heard earlier, but I was planning on having a party this weekend. I’d love for guys to come too, if you want.” Liz invited, her smile as charming as ever.

The offer took you aback. The two of you weren’t very close, so you were surprised she really cared enough to acknowledge you.

“Are you sure, Liz? I mean, we’ve never really talked all that much.”

“Well consider this an opportunity to do just that. I invited the whole decathlon team so this could be a good way to bond before nationals. And besides, I already invited Peter, and you two are super close. It only made sense.”

“Well, we’re not like, that close or anything.” You fumble.

“Oh, come on, it’s totally obvious you guys were made for each other. I bet you two are soulmates and everything.”

R.I.P to Peter’s chances, even Liz thinks you’re meant to be. (Well, Peter never really had a chance with any non-soulmate, but a guy can dream). MJ turns to you and offers a cheeky smirk, waiting for you to reply to Liz. Awkwardness starts to seep into the conversation, much to your dismay.

“That is, a crazy idea. I-I don’t even know where to begin with that. Like, totally not true. At all. Nope. He’s my buddy.” Your mouth feels like it’s full of sand at this point. You wish you could muster up more than that pathetic excuse.

“Huh, I wonder who is then. He’s too cute to still be soulless, you know?”

Your eyes largen as the fake smile cramps your face. So, the attraction is mutual… great. A burning in your chest emerges out of anger. Life really couldn’t go your way lately.

“Yep, totally…” was all you could say. “I should go, you know, change and stuff, but thanks for the invite. I’ll try to come, and, stuff.”

You immediately turned around and headed straight toward the locker room, not even noticing Liz and MJs’ confused faces.

Due to your runoff, you were headed to your next class earlier than usual. As you turned the corner, you body checked into none other than your superhuman soulmate. You put your hands on his chest to prevent an embarrassing fall. Under his sweater and layers, you could still feel how hard his chest was, which wasn’t as surprising considering the view you saw not that long ago.

What felt like minutes, you finally came to your senses and quickly put your hands down and awkwardly crossed them.

“H-hey.” You stuttered.

The most conversation you’ve had lately was during class, and those were just questions about the lecture. You hated that you felt awkward with your best friend.

“Um, sorry. I wasn’t looking” Peter replied, feeling the tension as much as you did.

“No, you’re fine.” You reassured. “Hey, uh, sorry about Ned. That kid is such a blabbermouth sometimes.”

The boy sent an airy chuckle. It’s been a long time since you heard him laugh, so even hearing a half-hearted one was enough to make you miss him even more. You could’ve sworn your eyes got misty at that moment.

“No, it’s cool. He knew I wanted to impress Liz and just went overboard.”  
  
Despite Ned knowing you two were soulmates, he still remained loyal to Peter’s wishes of pining over Liz; Talk about an ultimate wingman.

You didn’t dare to mention the fact that Liz called him cute, as you were too selfish to say anything. **_I have to deal with a soulmate that doesn’t even want me, let me have this._**

“I need to print my English essay so I should get going. If you go to Liz’s party, you could maybe hang with Ned and me or something.” Peter offers.

The invite was a surprise considering the past month, but you wanted nothing more than to spend time with him again. Even if it was at a party hosted by his crush and with people you didn’t know, you gladly accepted.

\---

The car ride to Liz’s was awkward, to say the least. Peter was asking for some advice about parties and girls, to which May offered back some words to wisdom. You assumed that she didn’t know anything about you and her nephew, and obviously you weren’t going to be the one to tell her. The fact that Peter wouldn’t even tell his family gave your heart a dull ache. You’ve gotten over the initial pain for the most part, but instances like these still trigger your sensitivity.

When you got inside, all three of you were surprised at the place in front of you. You all knew that Liz had a house outside of New York, but you didn’t imagine it to be so big. Jealousy pangs you once again; Liz Allen just seems to have it all.

“Sup losers,” greeted an uninterested voice.

You all turned to see MJ at the kitchen table eating tortillas straight out of a bag.

“You actually came?” You asked puzzled.  
  
“Yeah, I thought you didn’t like parties,” Ned replied, adjusting his fedora. He insisted it made him look cooler.

“Maybe I’m not here and you’re just seeing things. Ever think about that?” Your friend replied, raising her eyebrows in fake revelation.

Both Peter and Ned turned to each other in confusion before looking back at the girl. You rolled your eyes; they never really got MJ’s jokes.

“Well, anyways, I need to talk to my friend here, but you two can go ahead without me.” You told the two boys before grabbing MJ’s wrist and taking her to another room you believe is the dining room.

“Jeez, and I thought I wanted to leave that situation more than you.” MJ joked, not bothering to fight your grip.

“I’m going freaking crazy, dude. It’s been weeks of constant awkward conversation, I almost peed my pants because he invited me here. And yet, I was still stupid enough to come.” You rant, eyes wild with absurdity.

“Oh, so now all of a sudden you care about your relationship with Peter?”

You roll your eyes, slightly annoyed that your friend thinks this is a good time for sarcasm. However, she was right. Up until that point in gym, you were accepting of the fact that Peter wanted to keep a distance and stay friends, though the awkward attitude between you two wasn’t exactly “friendship”. But seeing that he might actually have a shot with Liz made you sick to your stomach.

“I just- I don’t get why. Why is he chasing a non-soulmate to begin with? I can be fine with staying friends, but going for Liz? What’s even the point?” You complained, half ready to pull your hair out. 

“Why don’t you ask him yourself? It’s not like I have all the answers, though I do know what’s happening at least seventy percent of the time.”

You sigh, “He’s not going to answer-”

“He’s also not going to answer your questions if you never actually ask him. You clearly don’t like the relationship between you two, so talk to him about it. If he won’t listen, then make him.” MJ quipped, having tried to tell you this how many times. “I think both of you know deep down that you two are the best thing that could happen to each other. But clearly, there’s something else going on, which is why you need to talk to him instead. Figure out how to be together.”

All you can do is stare aimlessly at her. Your mind, like your heart, is going a hundred miles an hour. Perhaps her advice would be different if she knew, but this wasn’t the time to tell her. Not in a chaotic party with Flash chanting “Penis Parker” in the background, and not when Peter himself is now an enigma to you. If you knew more about how he felt, then maybe MJ could offer more for both your sakes. But it’s not your secret to tell. Even if you’re transparent to MJ, it’s not your place to say something to ruin your best friend’s life, especially considering the fragility of it.

MJ widens her eyes and tilts her head to the side, motioning for you to go out and find Peter. You sigh, nodding your head. The quick conversation was over before you knew it. A part of you thinks she also just wanted to get rid of you, but you couldn’t blame her. You probably weren’t the only one angry and annoyed with the predicament at hand.

You go back to the kitchen where you left the two boys to fend for themselves. It probably wasn’t going too well considering you could still hear Flash’s nonstop teasing. You spotted Ned and his spunky fedora, but there was no one else with him.

“Weren’t there two of you?” You asked, trying to use sarcasm to mask any panic you may have felt.

Ned snaps out of his slight daze. “Well, Peter went to go, you know, change, so he can impress Liz, and you know, prevent future embarrassment of not actually knowing Spider-Man.”

“Does he technically know him if he _is_ him? Also, you caused all of this so you kinda screwed him over. And third of all, aren’t you supposed to be on my side too?” You asserted, slightly hurt.

The sensible side of you thought that there was no way that Peter would go through with this. All this for a girl that wasn’t even his soulmate? Just thinking about it made you more upset. You were also hurt by your raven-haired friend and his betrayal, but one step at a time you suppose.

“Well in my defense, I have no idea what’s happening, like ever. And Peter doesn’t seem to be doing so well lately, so I thought this might make him feel better. You know, bros before hoes. B-but you’re not a hoe, Y/N. It’s just that you’re a girl- not that all girls are hoes, guys can be hoes too-“

“I’m gonna stop you before this gets any worse,” You warned. “It’s whatever, I can forgive you for now cause you’re a good guy. Just, where is he? I really need to talk to him.”

Ned sighs, slightly guilty that about the plan he participated in. He points upward to the ceiling. The motion leaves you confused, but upon looking up and seeing the skylight in the middle of the roof, you understood. Where else would you find a spider?

A few room searches later, and a risky climb, you were able to get on the roof of the house. The possible twenty-foot fall was worth it when you were met with a familiar face and a red and blue suit to match.

“Kinda envy your powers right now, could’ve found you a lot sooner.” You said, a half smirk appearing on your face.

Peter turns his head from where he’s sitting, offering a rather sad smile. He soon goes back and focuses on the mask in between his hands, fidgeting with the fabric. You start to feel a little awkward for intruding, but you knew you this was something you had to do. Brushing away any stiffness between you two, you shimmy closer to Peter and sit down next to him.

“Shouldn’t you be down there, doing I don’t know, spider stuff?” You observed.

“Spider stuff makes my _amazing_ powers sound rather lame; don’t you think?” Peter mumbles, trying to make a joke. 

“Well I’m terribly sorry.” You chuckle “Seriously though, how long have you been up here? Ned is down there looking like a lost puppy.”

Peter gives a small laugh at your comment. Your conversations always included some form of witty banter, and even in predicaments as these, it doesn’t seem to go away that easily.

“Couldn’t do it, I guess. I was about to head back, but when I saw everyone downstairs, I don’t know, something changed.”

“Changed as in, you don’t know why you’re doing this?” You prod.

Peter nods once, as if to say you were right, but didn’t want to admit it just yet.

“I’m doing this to seem like someone else. But it’s not someone else, i-it’s still me, you know? I love Spider-Man and all, but going there _as_ him seems…” He trails off, a loss for words. 

“They wouldn’t look at you as Peter, just Spider-Man.”

He nods again, this time to agree with your theory.

“I understand, it wouldn’t feel like they’re genuinely impressed with you. But hey,” You bump his shoulder with yours. “You’re Spider-Man because of who you are, because of who _Peter Parker_ is. You’re the one trying to make the world a better place. I mean, Spider-Man isn’t a real person, but Peter is, and it’s their loss if they aren’t impressed with someone as cool as you.”

The words sent a bright smile onto your friend’s face, eye lighting up under the moonlight. It was actual, good advice: something that he wished Ned, or anyone could’ve given him sooner.

“Could’ve told me that before I went through all the trouble of putting this on.” Peter joked, bringing you back into your old rhythm of conversation.

“Well I’ll try to climb the window faster next time. But if I’m on the ground and not up here, you know why.” You quip back, causing Peter to chuckle once again.

Everything started to feel familiar again, all it did was a little talking. You suppose the hostility between you two couldn’t be fully blamed on him. Maybe if you tried to talk to him like this more and showed that you cared, you’d be able to find a balance in your lives.

The thoughts caused you to space off, your stares stuck on Peter. He eventually notices when he turns to look at you. Now the two of you were looking at one another, neither one of you wanting to ruin the moment. A part of you wanted to lean in, even if it was just an inch. You would’ve followed your urge too, but you didn’t want to lose focus on your purpose.

“Hey listen Pete, the reason why I came up here-”

“Holy shit,” He interrupts, staring into the distance, mouth agape.

You scrunch your face. **_What the hell, dude?_**

Looking in the same direction as Peter, you see what he’s referring to. A single, bright light beamed in the distance. It was too blue and too unearthly to be natural, causing both of you to worry.

The spiderling stands up before looking at you again, this time with a guilty face. You sigh, this was just like the first time; When he left you in the dust at your own apartment to go fight crime after just finding out about his identity. You knew he didn’t want to leave just as much as you did, but there was nothing he could do. No one else could risk their lives to save the city.

“Guess I’ll see you later, then.” You answer his silence.

You stand up afterwards and motion for him to go, but he doesn’t move from his spot. He wants to, but there’s something stopping him; you couldn’t quite pin what, though. Before you know it, Peter wraps you into a tight hug. You can’t remember a time that he’s ever done this (which makes sense considering you found out you were soulmates after years of friendship). But despite the confusion that enveloped your head, you bring your arms around him, squeezing back. You close your eyes, enjoying the moment of warmth brought between you two. Peter lets go, much to your dismay, and puts his mask on. He webs away, leaving you to a party you didn’t even want to go to.

\---

Since that party, you haven’t seen much of your Spider-friend due to Decathlon practice. Nationals were coming up, and Liz was really making sure everyone was prepared for the competition. Peter continued to dedicate his life to fighting, even more so than usual. You figured he needed a distraction, like Decathlon was to you, but you still missed him nonetheless. Flash wasn’t doing too hot as Peter’s replacement, and it only makes you miss him more.

After another week or so, you and your team were headed to Washington D.C. for the awaited competition. Waiting for everyone to load their luggage onto the bus, you and MJ were quizzing each other when Peter runs toward the group, packed and all.

“The hell,” You mumble under your breath.

“Hey guys, yeah um, I was hoping I could rejoin the team,” Peter quickly asks, nervousness seeping into his words.

You don’t say anything, not only because you were at a loss of words, but also because Flash looks like he has steam coming out of his ears.  
  
“No freaking way, Parker. We don’t even need you.” He boasted.

The rest of the group looked at each other, all awkwardly sucking in the breaths and gritting their teeth. No one dared to say anything.

”Actually, it would be great of you to join us again, Peter. Who else is going to answer all the chemistry questions?” Liz smiled.

You tried to suppress a gag. By the look on Peter’s face, you could tell he was flattered, which only made things worse for you. This was the one rom-com you hated.

Peter continues to receive warm welcomes from the rest of the team, and especially Mr. Harrington. However, you leaned against the bus and watched from the sidelines confused. He dropped so much for Spider-Man; he wouldn’t join back all of a sudden. It made you wonder what your friend’s agenda really was.

Once you started to load on the bus, you decided to join Peter in the back. As you approached the end of the aisle, you reminded yourself you were doing this because you were _friends_. Aside from the intense hug at the party that seemed like forever ago, you and Peter were never more than best friends. Any harbored feelings were kept under lock and key, and you knew it’s for the best.

“Okay,” You start to say as you slump in your seat. “Why are you actually here?”

“Was it that obvious?” Peter asks, scrunching his nose in slight worry.

“To me at least. Seems weird that you’re not busy with spider stuff all of a sudden. Unless of course, you are doing said stuff?”

Peter sighs, checking around to see no one’s watching. Once doing so, he opens his backpack and his hand reappears with a violet-tinted object. Though it seems obvious to Peter what the object means, it doesn’t answer your question.

“Uh, you’re going to D.C. because of a rock?” You asked.

“What, no, it’s not a rock. It’s tech, alien tech.” He rambles, basically shoving the subject in your face.

“And you got this from…?”

“Well, some guy tried to vaporize me-”

“What!” You shout. Peter quickly lunges forward and grabs your shoulder, motioning you to be quiet. 

“Hey relax, I’m fine.” He looks back up to make sure you didn’t grab anyone’s attention. “But after I left Liz’s party, I caught some weapons trade deal going on. Turns out, someone’s combining alien tech with human tech to get rich.”

“Okay well, clearly I have missed a lot in the last week.” You say. “So where exactly does D.C. come into play?”

“During the fight, I put a tracker on one of the guys and it showed that they’re heading toward Maryland for another deal or something; D.C. was the easiest way to get there.” Peter explained.

“No offense, but this is getting a little complicated, does Iron Man or Tony Stark or whatever you call him know about this?”

You don’t mean to sound like a mother, but going all the way into another state seems too overwhelming for a teenage superhero.

“Well, no he doesn’t really trust me that much. But Ned’s my ‘guy-in-the-chair’ so I’m not doing this alone, and when I catch the guys behind this, Mr. Stark will know I’m capable.”

You stay silent for a little bit, processing your thoughts. You don’t want Peter to get into any danger, especially when you know about his future. However, you knew you couldn’t stop him. He was dedicated, and clearly this guy was bad news. If he truly needed help, he wouldn’t be so confident.

“Well, I’m just glad to have you back. We’re bound to win now, no offense to Flash.” You joke, letting go of all your previous thoughts.

The rest of the bus ride is consisted of decathlon practice, sleeping, and laying on Peter’s shoulder. Friendly, of course. You were tired after all…

\---

“Flash is totally jealous. The kid reeks of ‘I’m compensating for my rather sad life by pretending to be cool so fuck you, Parker’.”

“Harsh, MJ. What did he ever do to you?” You reply, starfish on the hotel bed.

“I’m not saying that as an insult, it just makes sense as to why he’s the way he is.” MJ defends.

You hear your phones ring, interrupting the conversation. Too lazy to grab yours from the nightstand, you wait for your friend to tell you what’s up.

“Liz says she wants the team to have a pool night before the big day. Quick bonding session apparently?”

“Ugh, what’s the point? What is a party gonna do for us?” You groan, face down on the mattress.

“She’s captain after all, wouldn’t want to go against her orders, right?” MJ shrugs. “It probably won’t even be that bad. We don’t even have to swim; we can just sit in the chairs and watch.”

Ten minutes later, and after much hesitation, you find yourself heading down the stairs, expensive candy bars in hand. You’ll never understand why the minifridge is always so pricey; MJ blames capitalism, but when doesn’t she?

As you turn into the next hallway, you see Peter coming out of his room in regular normal clothes. That’s weird, did he not get the memo? You begin to slow down as you get approach the boy.

“Didn’t know you swam with gym shorts, dude.” You say, eyeing his inappropriate attire.

“Y/N, h-hey.” Peter stutters, which confuses you even more.

You cross your arms in front of your chest, pushing your boobs closer together. Peter couldn’t help but glance at where your arms were placed. Your swimsuit clung to your body nicely, making him take a small gulp. Much of your skin was exposed, and Peter wondered how many times he’s looked at your body without realizing. If you didn’t reply, god knows how much longer he’d stare.

“Something tells me you’re not going to the pool with us.”

“Oh- yeah, there’s something else I gotta do. I’ll tell you about it in the morning though.” Peter coughs, coming back to his senses.

He can see your disappointment at his urgency to leave. You didn’t mean to take it personally, but it felt like he was ditching you again.

You also couldn’t help but worry once again. He’s keeping this secret from _the_ Tony Stark, someone who he has looked up to since he was saved by him all those years ago. Maybe you could at least try to stop him? But before you got a chance to, Liz interrupts your conversation.

“C’mon guys, let’s get a move on.” Liz cheered. “Peter you’re not even dressed yet. You know, you better be going. You’re back on the team, after all.”

“Yeah totally, I’ll be there. Just need to grab something first.” He explained as a blush warmed his cheeks.

You wondered if this would be an inappropriate time to gag. Anger stiffened onto your face as you clenched your jaw. You try to keep cool; it was ridiculous to be mad at such a basic conversation, even if it did leave Peter smitten.

By the time you found your chill, Liz joined the rest of the team and hurried to the pool, leaving you and Peter alone again. He was about to run off, but you grabbed his arm before he turned away from you completely.

“Peter, don’t you think this is all, I don’t know, a bit much?” You warned, not letting go of his wrist.

“Seriously, Y/N? You too?” Peter snapped as he moved his arm out of your grasp.

You were taken aback by the sudden annoyance. Didn’t he get how dangerous this was? Nonetheless, a part of you felt bad that he was feeling helicoptered by you.

“I just mean that if it’s serious maybe you can call Stark or one of the Avengers-“

“Look, I get that most of the Avengers are twice as old as me, and I get that it’s risky that Mr. Stark doesn’t know about this. But goddammit, I went to Germany and stole Cap’s shield right in front of his freaking eyes; I’m strong enough to lift cars and I can swing onto the Empire State Building if I wanted to, which is on my bucket list thank you very much. I can do this, I know I can, but I won’t be able to if everyone I love is trying to stop me. I may be a kid to Mr. Stark, but no kid can do what I can do.”

You stare at him, his speech leaving you silent. Peter’s eyes were wide and his mouth was closed tight. Part of you thought he was going to say more, that he _wanted_ to say more, but he stayed silent as well.

Peter wanted to add that he knew he wouldn’t get majorly hurt in Maryland. After all, he’s going to be in New York when it happens. He quickly forgets the thought, tightening the grip on his backpack straps. He turns away from you for what he thinks is the last time. He was in a hurry, and he was too upset to stay anyways.

“Can you at least be careful?” You yell across the hall. “Even if you’re mad at me, it’s the least you can do.”

Peter turns back around to face you.

“You aren’t gonna stop me?” He asks.

“Don’t think I can, which is why I’m asking you to be safe.” You reply, offering a small but genuine smile.

“Yeah, I’ll be careful,” Peter nods. “I’ll try to keep you posted more, maybe you, me, and Ned can be a team.”

“We’ll see, don’t want him to be kicked out of his unofficial job.” You joke, causing you both to laugh.

He then leaves you by yourself as he heads off into the night. By the time he’s on the rooftop of the hotel all dressed, he sees you and the decathlon team in the pool. You were still sitting in the chairs while the rest of the group were busy splashing each other. You laugh at the commotion before looking up. A certain hero caught your eye, and your smile stretched from ear to ear.

You mouth “good luck” to the boy on the roof. Peter laughs at the cheesy situation, but he’s grateful you have his back. His heart tightens at the gesture, something that he didn’t notice until he swung away and the feeling still lingered. Deep down, a part of him thought that maybe, just maybe, you guys could stand a chance.

\---

**_Not good._ **

**_Very not good._ **

**_Not very good at all._ **

**_In conclusion: bad, bad, bad._ **

Peter’s thoughts left him in a feverish panic. Okay, so maybe the plan didn’t go as well he hoped. He knew there was something bound to go off the rails. He just didn’t think being locked in a warehouse until the morning was going to be one of them. Of course he had to pass out in a moving truck…

Minutes felt like hours as he walked around the large, deserted building. There wasn’t much he could do but throw webs and talk to his newfound A.I. Karen. Eventually, he gave up trying to find a way out. He’ll just have to leave in the morning and rush to the decathlon competition, another amazing consequence of his failed mission. Peter is even more glad he didn’t tell Mr. Stark, he couldn’t bear to stand the embarrassment.

Karen tried to help to calm the boy down, prompting him to talk about his life. Soon, Peter found himself in a therapy session, laying down in a web hammock he put together. 

“I just don’t want to be seen as some small-town hero, you know. Helping old ladies across the street is cute and all, but I want missions. Like Avenger-level missions. The only people that seem to be okay with that are me and Y/N, which doesn’t help change Mr. Stark’s mind.”

“Y/N?” Karen asks, unfamiliar with the person in question.

“Wha- oh, yeah. She’s just a friend. Well, I mean she’s my soulmate but-“

“So you’re in love with Y/N,” Karen confirms.

“What no, no. I’m not in love with her. I’ve never looked at her as anything more than a friend. Plus, there’s Liz who’s this girl that I like.”

“Why do you like someone who’s not your soulmate?”

The question silences Peter for a second. It’s a question he never took the time to ponder as he’s tried to keep himself distracted. He avoided ever thinking about soulmates, but in a situation where he’s stuck for the next few hours, he doesn’t have anything to distract himself with.

“Well, Liz is nice to me. She seems interested in me too, and she hasn’t found her soulmate yet so there’s no harm. I mean, there’s no rulebook to follow.” Peter explains, almost sounding like he’s defending himself.

“Could you at least see yourself with Y/N?” Karen pushes, causing the superhero to sigh.

“I mean, in a perfect world, yeah. She’s my best friend, we know each other so well. She always seems to know what I’m thinking, even if she doesn’t say anything. And she cares so much about others. It shows how beautiful she is inside and out, which is amazing to me. I was really worried she’d stop being my friend once she found out about Spider-Man, but she accepted it almost right away. It- it’s good to know that she always has my back. If things were different, maybe we’d be together. But Liz, she’s got it all too. She’s really cool and stuff. I mean, we haven’t talked all that much, but I know she’s great. Yeah, she- she’s great…” Peter trails off.

It was obvious to Karen, an A.I. that doesn’t even experience emotion, that Peter was blindsided with his quest for Liz. To chase someone he doesn’t really know was clearly a distraction from something, though Karen wasn’t exactly sure what. Comparing how he talked about the two girls would prove to any competent person that you were his soulmate, and one that he clearly liked.

Peter soon ended the conversation as he became more restless. He continued to search around to see if there was anything stored within the warehouse. Good thing too, because soon after Peter is begging for dear life to escape.

\---

**_Well, this isn’t ideal._ **

**_Not very ideal at all._ **

**_This is very bad._ **

**_Bad, bad, bad._ **

You and your team’s glorious victory fades into a dream as you dangle from a broken elevator more than four hundred stories up.

The morning already left you in a panic as Peter was M.I.A. for the competition, causing concern among your teammates. You even lost in the penultimate round due to the fact that your best chemistry guy was nowhere to be found.

While the members were annoyed at his sudden disappearance, you couldn’t help but be worried sick throughout the whole morning. Half the questions passed your ears as you were too busy focusing on your rapid, thumping heartbeat. You were lucky MJ answered the final question that won you guys the championship; you didn’t even realize it was the end.

Soon everyone’s anger at a certain team member dissipated and turned into whooping cheers and congratulations. You hugged MJ and Ned, but you were left with your worries still unanswered.

Your celebration led you to nothing but the one and only Washington Monument. Sightseeing was always your favorite part of trips, but you had a feeling that would change after this. Of course, the elevator had to get damaged when there were a dozen people inside it. You turned to your friend, a gnawing suspicion that he knew what just happened.

“Ned, sweetie. Did you bring that goddamn alien rock?” You mutter with gritted teeth.

“Yeah b-but, why does that have to do with anything?” Ned stutters with fear.

“Well I don’t think my phone caused the elevator to hang by a freaking thread.” You quip, raising your eyebrows. “It’s whatever, we can’t do anything about it now.”

“You seem too calm about this situation... I mean, we could die at any moment, Y/N.”

“We’re not gonna die in here, dude. _Not me, at least_.” You whisper the last part.

“You don’t know that.” Ned says.

**_Oh, but I do. I have to watch my fucking soulmate die before I die too._ **

“I have a hunch,” You snap, ending the conversation.

Soon you could see security guards above you, opening the doors that would’ve exposed the elevator. They tell you to climb out one at a time carefully to not mess up the balance. Flash, however, pushes everyone else out of the way, him and the decathlon trophy climbing out first. **_Figures…_**

You let everyone else get out first since you were the farthest from the hatch. You helped Betty, the last person before you, by giving her a leg up. But the push must’ve been too forceful for the elevator. You hear a snap, and the elevator plummets another five or so feet. The sudden jolt causes you to scream and grip the railing. Even if you don’t die here, you were still terrified. Dropping to a near-death doesn’t sound any better than dropping to your actual death.

“Hey, over here! I got you,” You hear a familiar voice call.

Through the hatch, you see Peter. Well, Peter in his Spider-Man suit (he was still Peter to you, though). Relief flows through your body.

“Just climb up and jump out,” He says.

You don’t move from your spot, and instead you give him a glare of disbelief. He cannot be serious right now. You shake your head, perhaps free-falling isn’t as bad as you think…

“Trust me, I’ll catch you, okay? Do you trust me?” Peter pleads.

“Always,” You reply right away, and you mean it. You always trusted Peter, and this was no different. If he says he’ll catch you, he’ll catch you.

You take a deep breath and nod. You make your way out of the elevator slowly, ignoring the loud creaks. Both your arms and breath shaky, you stand up after getting through the open hatch. Looking up, you stare at the boy above you. Even though his face was covered, you could easily imagine how bright his brown eyes looked. You could still see his face through the mask.

“Okay, just jump with your arms up so I can catch you. You’ll be okay, Y/N.” Peter reassures you. You hope no one caught the fact he knew your name.

With your knees bent, you try to jump as high as you can. You close your eyes so tightly, half expecting yourself to be falling hundreds of feet down along with the elevator. When you open them, you see yourself dangling in the now empty space, webs wrapped around your wrists. Slowly Peter pulls you up to the top and you were soon met by the floor that you missed oh so much.

“Are you okay?” Peter asks as you stand up.

You throw your arms around him tightly, not wanting to let go. Though shocked, Peter hugs you back and you’re reminded of the time he hugged you at the party. You bury your face in his neck with glee. Not only were you relieved that you made it out, but you were relieved that Peter was safe too.

“Yeah, I’m just glad you are too.” You say, face still close to his.

“Uh, what?” You hear Flash say.

Shit, you forget the rest of the team was behind you, watching you hug a “stranger”. You doubt none of them would piece it together, but you surely didn’t want to risk it. Quickly opening your eyes back to reality, you let your arms go slack by your side.

“I uh, I- I said I’m glad _I’m safe too._ Yeah. Thank you, Spider-Man, you are indeed a real hero. This is definitely the first time I’ve seen you face to face. I mean, face to mask, cause I’ve _totally_ never seen your face before.”

You cringe at yourself. MJ was right; you were a terrible liar, but you didn’t realize it was **that** bad. Luckily, despite the atrocious lie, no one thought anything of it. You were a girl in shock after a traumatic event, they didn’t expect you to be completely sane right away.

“Okay, well bye,” You abruptly say, trying to ignore what just happened.

Peter gets the memo, also not wanting to expose himself in front of his classmates. He says his goodbyes and awkwardly waves to everyone. He gives you one last look, eyes glassy under the mask. The whole time he saw you in the elevator he was terrified for you, he wasn’t even sure his plan would work. He was still queasy to his stomach afterwards. But looking at you, all safe and mostly collected, made him smile. Perhaps he looked at you for longer than he should’ve before swinging out and away. You didn’t mind. You were giving him heart eyes back.

“Shit,” Flash mumbles. “I forgot to ask if he knows Peter!”

\---

No one seems to care too much that Peter randomly showed up once again. You assume it was because everyone was still a little shaken, and it was for the best that they didn’t say anything. Your eyes light up when you’re face to face with Peter, glad that you could see him without his hero persona.

You hug him for another time. The feeling of his chest becomes more familiar, and you’re shocked that you’ve never done this sooner. Maybe it’s because you haven’t been put into near-death experiences until recently, but you still enjoy these moments all the same.

“Peter!” A voice that you’ve been dreading called.

Liz jogs over to you guys and Peter quickly lets go of you. You purse your lips with slight envy. You didn’t think the hug would seem that compromising, and you already missed the warmth of his body against yours.

“He- hey Liz,” Peter blushes.

“Where the heck did you go? I mean, I should be pissed cause you missed the competition, but I’m more worried. I haven’t seen you since last night.” Liz rambles.

You feel slightly awkward just standing there, but Liz was too concerned about Peter’s whereabouts to really talk to you. It’s understandable; you’re concerned too, but it still leaves a foul taste on your mouth.

Peter and Liz continue to talk, with Peter asking Liz if she was okay after the elevator fiasco and her still shaken by it all. Eventually, it leads to the two of them completely forgetting your existence and sitting next to each other on the bus. You were left by yourself, staring daggers at their seat as you sat in the back with MJ and Ned.

You couldn’t help but be a little mad... actually, you were furious. This past month you thought that you were making progress with the curly-haired boy. Even if you couldn’t be together, which you understood, you at least thought you could come to an agreement about your feelings. But he was still in Liz Land, and you were left feeling rejected. You had a right to be angry.

You wish you had powers so you could hear the conversation between the two. They looked too close and chummy for your liking, but there was nothing you could do. You wondered if Peter even looked at you as more than a friend, and your heart sinks as you realize maybe he doesn’t. You hated this routine you’ve put yourself through: having a moment with Peter that inevitably ends up being interrupted by Liz, and you being left upset afterwards.

If this month has showed you anything, it’s that you liked Peter. You loved how much of a hero he was and how he always wanted the best for others. Even though he ditches you for Liz, you knew he’d have your back when you truly needed, like today with the elevator.

As the anger settled in your stomach, you came to the conclusion that you hated this reality, and that you couldn’t do anything about it. If this will save him, then it’s worth it. _Maybe…_


	3. Month Three, Bargaining: A Shoulder to Cry on Becomes a Heart to Love On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spider-Man messes up and you’re there to help pick up the pieces... until you hear a proposal. 
> 
> The deal's off.

You were now safe and back at Midtown, something both families and students were relieved of. Life went on, and you and Peter found a way back to normalcy. Well, as normal as it can be.

Peter was still very focused on his heroic duties and patrols while you were busy with your own after school activities. The first week after you came back you were still jealous and angry at the whole Liz situation, but as the days went on you realized how close you became with Peter. Possibly even closer than you guys were before.

You talked as you normally did before everything happened, but there was something more. There have been multiple occasions where you’ve caught yourself staring at the boy longer than you should’ve. A few times you’ve noticed he was doing the same thing, always turning his head to look at you during class. At lunch the two of you would be leaning even closer toward each other, and you both knew it wasn’t to hear the other better, but neither of you said anything about your newfound chemistry. You were too afraid it would ruin it.

Late night hangouts were a big part of your friendship. They usually went so late that it was past the point where you could go home, or vice versa. Your late hangouts then turned into sleepovers, with the host sleeping on the floor and the guest on the bed. However, due to the fact that Peter was trying to keep his identity a secret, he wasn’t able to do them lately. But now you know, so the two of you were currently eating popcorn and Doritos in his room with Star Wars playing in the background. It was a half study date and half hang out, but part of you wished it was a full study date (minus the studying).

Peter was at his desk working, his Spider-Man mask put to the side. He was still on the hunt for the guys behind the alien tech, but the past week he’s had no luck. You knew he was frustrated at how slow it was taking him; if he told Mr. Stark about his mission they would’ve already been caught, but he had to do this on his own.

Another five or so minutes pass and Peter throws his hands on the table. The loud noise surprises you and you turn to look at him. He didn’t mean to jolt the table so suddenly, but you could tell by the deep furrow between his brows that he was reaching a point of deep anger and frustration.

“I can’t figure out where they’re meeting next, or even anywhere they could be,” Peter sighs, face in his hands. “They use codenames and fake identities to hide where they’re going, and the facial recognition in the suit isn’t helping,” (No offense to Karen, of course).

“How can I prove myself to Mr. Stark if I can’t catch some dumb bad guys?”

“Well to be fair, you don’t have full access to billion-dollar tech,” You defend, standing up from your spot on his bed.

You sat on his desk and, taking a huge risk, slowly inch your hand toward his, eventually covering his right with your left. Either Peter didn’t notice, or he appreciated the gesture, but he leaves his hand there. You hope it’s the second one.

“It may seem slow right now, but you’re doing a lot better than anyone else in your position could. You wouldn’t even have the facial recognition if you didn’t hack your suit, right? And hacking Stark tech is a feat in of itself,” You applaud, fondly remembering the story Peter told you of what happened in Washington, ignoring the rather dangerous parts.

He looks up at you and offers you the slightest hint of a smile. You always seemed to have a point. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t slightly envious that you were the more rational one. 

“Yeah I guess, just sucks,” The boy conceded. “I downloaded the clip of the trade deal from the party, but besides identifying some of the tech, I don’t have much else. I’ve watched it like hundred times by now,”

“Well, I could help. If you want, of course.” You offer, shrugging.

Peter gestures to the laptop in front of him. “Be my guest,”

You squeeze his hand, earning a smile from a tired Peter. You get off the desk and lean forward to see the screen, face close to his.

He’s already seen the video enough, and gives you the occasional glance when you’re not looking. You don’t notice, already focused on finding a clue. Peter admired your determinism; this wasn’t your problem, yet you were ready to help when you saw the opportunity. You bit your lip in concentration, and he couldn’t help but stare at them for a moment. Despite the fatigue from the school week on your face, you were still glowing brighter than the blue tint of his screen. Peter would’ve continued to stare if you didn’t grab his shoulder in excitement.

“Gotcha,” you deviously smiled, zooming in on the paused video. “You’ve been looking at the wrong guy, Peter. You were trying to track down smart criminals who know how to hide their tracks, but you haven’t tried looking into the buyer himself,”

Peter examined the video, shocked he missed such a big clue. A few clicks and searches later, the name Aaron Davis and all his information comes up. If he wasn’t trying to save the world, Peter would’ve felt guilty for invading the man’s privacy.

“This is it,” the boy exclaims. “If I find him, I might be able to catch them. I mean, this is amazing, Y/N.”

Moments later, you feel Peter’s arms wrapped around and shaking you in excitement. A sense of accomplishment washes over you as you were able to not only solve the case, but make your friend feel better.

“Ugh, I can’t thank you enough. You saved me so much time, dude.” You friend smiles as he lets you go, still gripping onto your upper arms. Your arms find their way to his chest as you grin back.

“We’re a team, right? Plus, I never miss an opportunity to show you up. Keeps you humble.”

Your comment earns a small chuckle from Peter, looking down before he turns his gaze back to you. His sudden stare makes you realize how close you two are. A small lean from both of you and your faces could touch, and you wonder if Peter notices the proximity too. His traces of cedarwood from his Old Spice make you _want_ to lean in. He smelled comforting.

He smelled like _home_.

Peter wanted to lean in too. He was a sucker for the scent of vanilla, and with his Spidey-senses the smell practically radiated off you. It’s what made you _you_ ; you were nothing but sweet. A part of him wanted to drown in you, it drew him to the edge and just for a moment, he wanted to throw caution to the wind.

A knock wakes you two up from your trance. You weren’t sure if you were grateful or not for the interruption, but both of you take a step back, nonetheless.

“Peter, I’m going to bed,” May says from the other side of the door. “Night.”

“N-night May.” Peter shouts back, still trying to wrap his head of what just happened.

He focuses back on you, offering you a genuine but disappointed smile.

“I should probably go grab the sleeping bag. I’ll let you get settled and um, stuff.” Peter mumbles as he balls his hands into his pockets.

“Cool,” was all you could reply with.

He nods and turns away, heading toward the living room. You let out a sigh, embarrassed at how that ended. Then again, if May didn’t interrupt you who knows how that would’ve ended. You quickly brush the thought away before changing into your pajamas and getting ready for bed. 

Right before Peter heads back, he realizes he forgot a pillow and heads back toward the closet. With his vision slightly blocked by the large blanket in his hands, he doesn’t notice the leg of the end table when he snaps back. He drops the sleeping bag upon impact.

He curses under his breath, wincing at the sharp pain. Perhaps living without his pinkie toe won’t be so bad. How much even is an amputation? Are fake toes expensive?

Peter crouches down toward his foot, trying to calm down. After some deep breaths and a half-assed massage, the pain eventually disappears. As he stands up, he notices a golden frame on the table.

With everything that has happened in his life, it wasn’t a shock that both him and May were sentimental people. They made sure to capture all the memories that they can, from vacations to school events, even random days in the summer. Neither of them wanted to forget anything, and photos kept the moments going.

There were three frames on the table: one of Ben and May on their anniversary, one with all three of them at the Stark Expo, and one with you and Peter in between of the two.

The photo was from last winter, when you and Peter won first place at the annual science fair. With your skill in robotics and Peter’s in chemistry, the two of you were able to build a robot that could clean a wound. It was one of the biggest achievements for you guys, as not many underclassmen place, let alone win. In the picture, you were both holding your trophy in all its glory, with the biggest smiles on your faces. But Peter wasn’t looking at the camera, he was looking at you.

He never took a good look at himself in this photo, too busy thinking about the actual memory itself. He looked so happy, and the look of adoration in his eyes was a tad confusing. What was he thinking at that moment?

Peter then switches his focus onto you. Your smile made your whole face light up, even though you were already glowing. He loved how it stretched from ear to ear, and how he couldn’t help but smile too. Somehow, you were always able to brighten him up.

That day, you made sure the two of you looked your absolute best, as “presentation is key”. At first, the idea made Peter roll his eyes, but in end you won, and he couldn’t be mad at that. Plus, the skirt and tights made your legs look pretty hot.

He tried to ignore that last part. But then again, now he could see what made him look at you the way he did. Does he always look at you that way? The thought makes him uneasy; he doesn’t want to be anything more. At least, he thinks he doesn’t want to be. Yet looking at that picture makes his heartbeat speed up ever so slightly, and he can’t ignore the thumping in his ears. But he also can’t ignore the guilt that surfaces whenever he thinks about you.

He grabs the photo and takes one more good look at it, before hiding it in the table drawer.

**_Not now…_ **

By the time he comes back, he notices that you’re in bed with only the desk light left on. Though you’re on your back, your face is turned toward the wall and away from Peter. He slowly unrolls the sleeping bag before turning the light off and quietly crawling under.

Hours have passed and Peter desperately wanted the sleep to wash over him. Not just today, but almost every day. No matter what the days held for him, his head still felt like it was on a roller coaster and nowhere near close to shutting down. Ever since he found out, he couldn’t stop thinking about the consequences. What would happen to his friends, May, the city.

What would happen to _you…_

The thought of you consumed him. Peter wanted to ignore it like he did earlier, but you always found your way back. You were in the line of danger and pain, and he feels that he’s to blame. What if you get hurt, or even killed because he’s gone? He can’t protect you, and the idea of you living your life without a soulmate killed him.

His overthinking spiraled worse than before. He couldn’t stop picturing his death, and the pain he felt bleeding out onto the concrete. The way he got weaker with each wheeze, the urge to cry out in pain but couldn’t, and the overall feeling of helplessness makes Peter well up. He could easily picture it as if it was happening right now, and his body starts to go into overdrive.

Peter jerks up, rubbing his face with his shaky hands. He couldn’t think straight as flashes of the future burned his mind. The blood, the dirt, the rubble.

The fear.

Before he knows it, his chest is heaving. He’s crying like a baby and his face is burning. Air couldn’t seem to stay inside his lungs. The darkness of the room made Peter feel closed in, hidden from the world. His body was clenched tight, angry at what was happening to him. His shallow breaths gave him more stress than release.

Having just fallen asleep not too long ago, you awoke to strange noises. As you come out of your slight daze, you realize it must be coming from Peter. Worry clouds your brain as you rush to find the nearest light possible. Eyes adjusting, you see Peter’s head is down while he’s curled into a small ball. It looks as though he’s crying.

You were unsure of what to do. He hadn’t even noticed you made your way toward him. By the sound of his erratic breathing, you figured it wasn’t a normal crying session. You couldn’t watch him go through this, and decided to approach him, hoping anything helps.

“Hey Peter, I’m right behind you, okay?” You warned as you put your hands on his shoulders. “Do you need anything? Do you want me to leave you alone?”

He shakes his head, still tucked in. His crying was starting to slow, but that wasn’t saying too much considering how bad it was earlier. You rub small circles with your thumb, waiting to see if he would do anything.

“Let’s move to the bed, it’ll be more comfortable. Is that alright with you?”

He nods, and he wipes his face with the sleeves of his thermal. You hold onto him while he slowly gets up, leading him to the bed. Peter curls into your touch. Letting him go, you make sure to keep holding his hands while he sits down.

“Focus and count your breathing.”

You start taking deep inhales, and Peter eventually follows your lead. “Nothing is going to hurt you right now, you’re safe with me. I always have your back, yeah?”

He nods, continuing to breathe. Whether or not the statement was true, it was comforting to hear, and enough for him to calm down at least a little. After a few dozen deep breaths, Peter’s heart started to slow, and his senses started to stabilize. You continued to hold his hands throughout the process, not taking your eyes off him. You weren't sure if he was fully okay, but he was at least getting there. 

“Do you need anything?” you ask again.

He looks down. “Can I sleep here?”

“Sure, we can switch places for the night-“

“I meant with you,”

 ** _Oh_** _._ You hoped the small light didn’t show your shock, your eyes widening at the request. It was the last thing you expected, even if you guys were getting closer after DC. It was tempting, and with Peter going through what appeared to be a panic attack, no didn’t seem like an option.

You shine a small smile, unfolding the covers so Peter could climb in. After some shuffling, you both got comfy. But the bed was only a twin size, meaning there wasn’t much area to have your own personal space. Trying to lay on your back, your shoulders would almost knock into each other. Yet Peter didn’t do anything about it, so you didn’t either. Even when you tried to keep your distance, the situation still felt... right. Like all sleepovers should have been like this, minus the hyperventilating. 

Next to you, a headache is on the brink of forming. He puts your picture away and tries to ignore thinking about you, and gets comforted by you all in the same night. You could say that’s pathetic, but it’s more confusing for Peter. Maybe his feelings go deeper than he thinks, and what a bad time to realize so.

The realization makes Peter shift again, accidentally brushing his hand against yours. Neither of you say anything.

**_I know we can’t be together, but I just went through a freaking panic attack. At least let me have this._ **

Moments later, you feel his hand again. This time, it stays to interlock his fingers between yours. And though he doesn’t ask to, you hope he knows you needed this too. You smile and give his hand the lightest squeeze you could make. 

“Goodnight, Pete,”

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he whispers.

A deep sleep comes over him. The first in a long time.

\---

A few nights later, in the middle of the night, your phone vibrates with a text. Luckily, you were still up late reading for your English class.

**Peter: can I come over?**

You squint to reread the message.

**Y/N: you don’t have to ask dude, my window’s always open**

The past week or so, Peter swung by to say hi to you after his patrol. It’s how he’s kept you in the loop about his findings, updating you on the trade deal on the ferry and the Vulture’s location.

The only thing is that he enters via your fire escape, usually without asking. Not that you minded, after the first few times you got used to the knock on your window.

**Peter: can’t, could you open the door?**

Your face is plastered with confusion, but you agreed anyways. You were fortunate that your parents were deep sleepers as you tiptoed to the front door. Though you were expecting Peter, you didn’t expect him to show up like this.

Face blotchy and pale, your friend’s eyes were stained red from his tears. He was shaking, from the cold or emotions, you weren’t sure.

“I lost it, Y/N. I lost it all.” Peter hiccups, jaw quivering.

“Slow down. What are you talking about, Peter?” you drag him inside, now very concerned.

“I lost everything. Th-the suit, the guy, Mr. Stark. It’s all gone.”

Your mouth parts, not sure what to do or say. “Here, let’s go sit down.”

You take him to your couch in the living room, wrapping his shoulders with a blanket from the armrest. While he got adjusted, you quickly filled a cup with water before coming back. You sit down next to him before asking what happened.

He tells you the whole story, from finding the guys on the ferry to almost destroying the ferry, to being saved and then disowned by none other than Tony Stark. He was tearing up half the time, and you were in pain just watching him. Clearly, the world didn’t care about anyone; they kept targeting the only good person left on the planet.

“I messed up bad, Y/N. Not only did I lie to Stark, I disappointed him. This whole time I tried to prove that I was good enough to be an Avenger like him- like all of them.” Peter says.

“You did your best, Pete. There was nothing else you could've done at that moment, you shouldn't beat yourself over it. Honestly, you have worried yourself sick over all this, maybe a break is what you need. ”

He sighs at your affirmations, sniffling his damp nose. You offer a small smile and wrap your arms around his fragile figure. Peter leans into your touch, ready to cry again at any moment. You put your chin on the top of his head and rub circles on his back as comfort.

After a few minutes, Peter pulls back and rubs his eyes. “Shoot, I never replied to May, she’s probably worried sick.”

“Doesn’t she know you’re here?” You asked.

“No, she hasn’t seen me since this morning. After the ferry, I came here right away. I wanted to see you. You’re the only one that knows anything.”

Peter grabs his phone and goes to the kitchen to call May, not even looking to see your response about what he just said. You don’t pay too much attention anyway, too busy in shock.

He basically told you that he chose you over both May and Ned. He could’ve gone to either of them, about the Vulture or the ferry incident, but he chose you. Why? Ned was more knowledgeable in the superhero department, and you weren’t his family. Yet despite all of that, he found comfort with you. You try not to overthink his words, but a warmth still found its way on your chest.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, it takes Peter a good five minutes to get May to stop shouting at him. She would cut him off every few seconds during his explanation, making the process much more difficult for the both of them. Eventually, when he got to the part about losing his “internship”, May immediately went from upset to sympathetic. As supportive as May can be, Peter wasn’t sure if that was what he needed right now. So much has happened in the past few hours, the last thing he wanted was to feel babied once again by another adult who sees him as a child.

He practically begs her not to go home tonight. Using the excuses of how late it was and how you lived closer to school, May hesitantly said yes. She knew how teenagers could be, and if Peter didn’t want to come back, there must be an important reason why. You were his best friend, and therefore you probably knew more. As hard as she tried to be open with Peter, it’s easier to talk to others your age who “get it”.

“As long as you’re safe and in good hands,” May said.

Peter looks at you when she says that. You were drinking some of his water, playing with the drops of condensation afterwards. You stared off into the distance, and the small action gives him nothing but puppy dog eyes.

“Yeah- yeah, I’m safe.” He replies, never taking his gaze off you.

The two say their goodnights before he returns to the living room. You sit up straighter as he comes closer. He still seems a little out of it, but his smile is genuine. You return the expression.

“Do you mind if I stay the night? It’s late, and to be honest I don’t want to deal with May and her coddling just yet.”

You let a laugh. “As long as you use the fire escape so my parents don’t catch you. And if you shower, cause you’re a little gross right now."

“Hint taken,” Peter jokes, heading toward your bathroom. “Be right back.”

“Oh hey, are we gonna talk about the pajama-“

“Nope.”

\---

Peter was adjusting back to a student-only lifestyle fairly smoothly. He participated in class more, along with finishing up all the assignments he slacked off on due to his busy schedule. Sadly, you could tell he wanted to go back out there and watch over the city, but you convinced him that nothing serious was happening, joking it was getting too cold for crime. He needed the break, at least for a little bit. It also brought some relief to you as well. If he wasn’t out saving the world, it gives him more time. He seemed so distracted with catching Vulture and his men, he didn’t seem to think about his future death. The break bought _both of you_ time.

Lately, during you, Ned, and Peters' free period, you would go into the band room to hang out. It was empty during the second half of the day, giving you guys some privacy and space to do whatever you want. This week, you guys decided to sit and rebuild Ned’s Lego Death Star.

With you added in the mix, the construction time almost halved. Ned even joked that maybe he should ask just you next time, leaving Peter feeling extremely offended. At least you didn’t surprise Ned into dropping all the blocks, but you’re weren’t going to say anything.

“Alright, now that you’ve hurt my feelings, I need to drop off a paper to Harrington,” Peter stands up. “Oh before I forget, Y/N, we still good for tonight? May’s out of town for work, and I really need the help in bio.”

“Yeah I got you. But you know, we could've studied more if you didn’t have detention after school.” You quip.

“Hey, I was trying to save the world, okay? And it’s only for a few more days. I even convinced them to not put it on my record cause of my _stunning_ attendance.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. I’ll see you then.” You motioned to the door, jokingly kicking him out.

Peter sends you a cheeky wink before leaving, sending warmth to your face. Luckily Ned wasn’t paying attention; if he did, he’d probably ask a dozen questions before eventually teasing you.

“Hey Ned,” you turn toward the boy. “You got any plans for homecoming?”

He looks up from his phone. “No, I don’t think so. If people wanna, we can make a group. You, me, Peter, MJ if she wants to come. We can just do a singles group like last time.”

You nod, smiling at the idea of a “singles group”. If there’s only a week or so until the dance, you figured that Peter isn’t asking Liz any time soon. Perhaps he’s let go of the idea. Maybe he’s interested in someone else.

Maybe he’s interested in you.

After all the time spent with each other, it had to mean something more now (Hell, he winked at you. Wait, is winking platonic? Future question for MJ…) You’re not just his best friend, you’re his confidant. The trust between you two has increased after finding out about his secret, along with your feelings. Part of you thinks you’ve always been in love with Peter. You didn’t need the concept of soulmates to know that. You’d do anything for him, and you knew he felt the same.

With only a few minutes left of the period, you quickly excused yourself to go to the bathroom in order to avoid the traffic. You left the room with a skip in your step, and the smile stayed on your face, still smitten about your not-so-newfound feelings. However, the smile was wiped away when you turn the corner and see Peter and Liz together.

They were too close for your liking, and your curiosity got the best of you. Hiding your body behind the nearest lockers, you peek your head and listen to their conversation. Your palms suddenly became clammy at the sight in front of you, heart dropping at the smile Liz shines your soulmate.

“Yeah, I’ve been really overwhelmed lately. After nationals, I’ve been running around planning the dance, and I haven’t been able to catch a break. I don’t even have a date or anything.” Liz says.

“Yeah me neither. To be honest, I kinda forgot the whole thing.” Peter hesitates. “If you want, we could go together or something.”

Your heart drops. If you weren’t heartbroken when you first saw them, you sure were now. Everything you thought you knew about your relationship was a lie, and you felt utterly ridiculous. Even if he didn’t want to be in a relationship with you, you thought the feelings were at least mutual. Why does he still want Liz?

The bell signals the end of the period, and you finally notice the tears that escaped your eyes. You see people filing out of their classrooms, along with the new couple walking together toward your direction. You quickly turn and walk away, keeping your distance while praying that no one could hear your sniffles.

\---

“Alright, three sections down, two more. I think this calls for a break.” Peter says before getting up.

Even though you were quite angry, you still forced yourself to come over and help your friend study. Maybe that was a bad idea, but you would feel awful if you left him hanging when he needed you. So, you pretended everything was okay. You promised yourself that you wouldn’t mention what you knew in order to keep the charade going. Peter was of course oblivious to your situation, and you couldn’t help but feel frustrated at this. But in the end, the sooner you could leave his place, the better for your sanity.

“Actually, do you mind if we keep going? It’s not much more, and I should probably get going soon.” You excused.

“Get going? It’s a Friday, dude. Just stay the night, I’m sure your parents won’t mind.”

“No, it’s fine, I promise. I think it’s better if I head home tonight.”

“Y/N that’s ridiculous, we always sleepover. Why do you need to leave so badly?” Peter says, slightly hurt at your stubbornness. “Are you okay? Is something up?”

“I’m fine, Pete.” You mumbled, a dead giveaway that you weren’t fine.

“C'mon, that's bullshit and you know it. You’ve been bummed out this whole time and I thought you were just in a mood, but there’s clearly more to it. I mean, did something happen? Did- did _I_ do something?”

“I don’t get why you’re fighting me over this, dude,” you shrug. "It’s not a big deal.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Peter replied.

However, your lack of a response did answer his question, and you both knew it. You look down, biting your lip in conflict before standing up to meet his eyes. What’s the worst that can happen?

A sigh escapes your mouth. “You led me on, that’s what happened.”

“What?” Peter says under his breath. It was so quiet you almost couldn’t hear it, but his shocked look says it all.

“You asked her. When I thought everything was almost normal, when I thought that we were even getting closer, you asked _her_.” Your voice slightly cracks at the end. “I want to pretend it’s okay, cause god, I wish everything _was_ okay. But I shouldn’t have to compete with someone else, not when we’re supposed to be together. I know I shouldn’t be selfish, and I know the situation isn’t ideal for any of us. I’m just as scared as you, but I can’t go in this circle, not when this means nothing to you.”

Peter doesn’t say anything, so you turn around and squat back down to pack your stuff. You can’t stay, not when you just confessed your feelings. Your throat scratches and burns, and you so badly want to let your cries out, but you’ll wait until you’re alone in your room.

“You’re wrong,” Peter began.

You stand back up and face him, eyes wide and eyebrows scrunched. You keep your mouth shut as you wait for him to continue.

“I do know. After all, it’s my life on the line,” He half laughs. “I’m terrified. It might seem like I don’t care all that much, but I’m barely functioning half the time. I stay up most nights and I’m crying during the others. I do want to be with you- I want to be with you so bad. If I asked you to Homecoming, or even went single, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from being all yours. These last few weeks with you have kept me sane, I’ve actually gotten a decent amount of sleep because of you. But I also can’t let this city go without me. This little break was selfish enough, and it wouldn’t be fair to be with you when I know the consequences. The people need Spider-Man… I’m sorry.”

The room feels thick with tension. Peter purses his lips, afraid to say any more than he already has. He feels nothing but guilt at this moment. It wasn’t fair of him to lead you on, but in his defense, he so badly wanted to lean into your comfort. You were a record that couldn’t stop playing in his head. Push one thought of you away, and two more takes its place.

Peter observes you, trying to figure out how you’ll react. Your face is still and emotionless, but when he looked into your eyes, he could see the softness behind them. You were upset, and maybe even heartbroken. And he wants nothing more than to pick up the pieces right here and now.

“I can’t do this anymore,” you whisper, slinging your bag over your shoulder. “Have fun with Liz.”

You make your way to the door, but before you can turn the handle a hand grabs your wrist. The action shocks you, but you don’t move your hand away.

“Please don’t- don’t leave me.”

It was at that moment you noticed how close the two of you were, your noses just centimeters away from each other. His hand still gripped your wrist tightly, not enough to hurt, but enough for him to stand his ground. It reminded you of the first time you touched. This is how you found out about your future, and quite unfortunately your end. Fear burned in your blood, and you wanted him to let go. But there was something else coursing through your body too: love. You could smell the cedarwood off him, and it makes you want him all that much more.

Peter decides to end the silence and explains, “I’m doing this to protect the city. To protect you.”

“I don’t need protection, Pete. I just need you.” You whisper, the heat of your breath tickling his skin.

Silence falls between you two. You both wanted to stay, but both of you also knew that this wasn’t the best idea. This whole friendship wasn’t the best idea considering the circumstances. But it hurt too much to listen to logic.

“Do you really feel that way?” He gulps.

You simply nod, and that was all Peter needed before closing the distance between your faces. His lips gently touched yours, hesitant to press any harder. And though neither of you ever kissed before, you knew you wanted more. You _needed_ more.

You slip your bag off your shoulder and you wrap your arms around his neck, running your fingers where his fluffy hair meets his warm skin. Peter comes closer and presses his body against you as he continues to slowly kiss your mouth. At that second, you felt nothing but pure passion and love for the boy in front of you. You gladly embraced the tears that formed, intoxicated with emotion. Peter feels them moisten the pads of his fingers and instinctively wipes them away.

Everyone told you first kisses were supposed to be awkward, and that it only gets better from there. But you don’t feel that. Kissing Peter was nothing but perfect. Even if you had no idea what you were doing, the fact that at the moment you were his, was euphoric. It was everything you craved these past few months and more. Your heart was glowing, and you afraid it could burst at any second.

Peter puts his arms around your waist and uses his super strength to pick you up. Without hesitation, you wrap your legs around him, never stopping to break the kiss. He walks over to his bed and lays you two down on the soft mattress.

“You’re so beautiful,” he mumbles, rubbing his nose against yours. 

You smile and peck his lips again before trailing to his jawline, leaving small kisses along the edge. Once you got to the side of his face, you pause before moving your mouth right to his ear.

“I love you,” you mumble, kissing his skin.

Peter turns to meet your lips again, this time deeper than before. You feel his tongue timidly touch yours, and you pull him closer for reassurance. Even if your kissing wasn’t pro, it sure felt like pure paradise. You suck his bottom lip before Frenching again.

His one hand finds his way under your shirt and onto the small of your back as he pulls you as close as he possibly can. Though he doesn’t reply to your statement, you could tell that he felt similar feelings with how touch-starved he's become. Both of you didn’t want to let go, too scared of what would happen if this stopped.

You don’t know how much time has passed during all this. Though you kissed for what was probably hours, it all went by too fast. From Peter taking off his shirt, to you kissing every inch of his chest and vice versa, you don’t even remember falling asleep in his arms until the following morning.

He was still asleep by the times your eyes opened, unlike the last time you were in the same bed. Even after his moment of panic, that next morning you woke up to Peter at his desk, working on the case as if nothing ever happened. You could’ve talked about what happened that night, but by the way he was looking at criminal records and his suit’s coding, you knew he was too far gone. And honestly, it seemed like a good distraction at the time.

You were grateful you got to see Peter in this state. Peaceful, with his nose buried in your hair and the dried drool on his chin. Though your fingers couldn’t stop running through his hair earlier, it somehow got even messier overnight. It was almost impossible not to stare at the boy, it was the first time in a while where he actually seemed content. You didn’t dare wake him up as you tried your best not to move.

Eventually, after an hour or so, Peter’s eyes started to flutter open. With his super senses, it takes an extra minute for him to adjust. He then becomes aware of you, your head tickling the bridge of his nose. The feeling is rather bothersome, but he continues to let it brush him. It’s a reminder that last night wasn’t a dream.

“Morning, sleepy,” you smile.

“Morning,” Peter replies.

He smooths your hair, focusing his stare on you. He dips his chin, sending a kiss to the top of your head as your heart tightens.

“Did you sleep well?” you ask.

Peter hums, sinking his face deeper into his pillow. You chuckle at the response, headbutting his shoulder. The whole situation was so domestic, as if you’ve been in a relationship this whole time. Everything felt right, and you absolutely loved it. You hoped Peter felt it too.

“Can we please just stay like this forever?” Peter groans.

“If we drop out of school, sure. Let’s just go with a weekend instead.”

The joke makes him look up from his bed, propping himself up on his elbow to look at you. His face seems lighter than before, and the reaction confuses you. You sit yourself up to meet his gaze.

“What?” You asked.

“Stay the weekend with me. May’s gonna be gone till Monday night, might as well keep each other company.”

“You know I was just kidding, Pete. I mean, are you sure it’s a good id-“

Peter shuts you up with a kiss, holding your face in place. Your thoughts immediately disappear as you lean toward him. You keep your mouth closed though, protecting him from your morning breath. It didn’t take much convincing for you to agree, which proceeded to a long makeout session (after brushing your teeth, of course).

\---

“Here’s the half-cup of sugar,” you hand Peter.

“Oh, I already did that.”

“Uh no, I just measured some out. You weren’t anywhere near the bag.”

“What bag? I just used what was in the little container over there,” Peter motioned to the stove area.

“You mean the container labeled salt?”

“There was a label on it?”

You looked at the ruined dough in front of you. Though the two of you were a good team, trying to make cookies was more daunting than you realized. The day was filled with lying in bed for hours, movies, and warm cuddles. If you didn’t have schoolwork to do, you would want every weekend to be exactly like this. Hell, you wanted every single day to be like this.

But you also knew this all was a lie. Ignorance is bliss, and pretending that everything was okay could only last for so long. Eventually, this would all come to a close, much to your dismay. You weren’t quite ready to go back to being friends with Peter. You don’t know if you could even be “just friends” after this. You know you said that you couldn’t do this anymore, but Peter told you how he felt. Even if you can’t be together, at least you know. And maybe, just maybe, you could be okay with it. This weekend was all yours, and you hoped the world or whatever higher power agreed. **_I want Peter to live, but just let me have this._**

Peter threw away the sad sack of dough and started putting away whatever ingredients were left around. You were lost in thought, but your eyes never trailed away from his traveling figure. His hair was still messy, never being combed through this morning, and his face had marks of flour all over.

He comes back to put away the chopping board when he notices your obvious stare. Peter gives you a funny look, and leans back against the counter instead. He crosses his arms, searching your face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He jokes. “Is it the flour?”

You offer a soft laugh, your fingers trailing the marble countertop. Explaining your bargain with the world and your future together would shatter this weekend completely. A white lie never hurt anyone, and if it meant preserving this a little longer, it didn’t seem all that bad.

“Just admiring, I guess.”

At first, Peter thinks you’re joking, but your eyes said the opposite.

“Well, I suppose I can’t stop you.”

You move closer, and Peter thinks you’re about to kiss him. He leans his face closer to you, his breath stopping in its tracks. Bringing your hands up toward him, you rub your thumb against his cheek and watch as more flour streaks his face.

Before touching his lips, you whisper, “Guess you can’t.”

Peter wraps his arms around your waist, deepening your soft kiss. It was gentle, but it still enraptured him all the same. If he went to heaven, it would probably feel just like this. You chase the kiss with a few more pecks before leaning your head on his shoulder and giving him a hug.

“I should go clean up a little. I’ll meet you in your room after.” You said.

Giving his powdered cheek a quick kiss, you turn around and go to the bathroom, a smile remaining on your face. Peter sighs, watching your every move. Twenty-four hours ago, you said you loved him. It was one of the sincerest things he’s ever heard from you, and yet he didn’t say it back. And after the amazing day he had with you, all he could think about was how much he loved you too. Peter wants to kick himself for not saying anything, but hopefully you could tell with his actions that he felt the same.

This weekend would be your ending, your last memory. No matter the kisses, or the cuddles, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t be with you if it meant the city would be defenseless. He couldn’t be with you if it wasn’t for forever.

You left Sunday afternoon, after your parents begged to see you at least once this weekend. Plus, you weren’t very productive regarding your homework, so you’d have to finish that in a Peter-free area, away from distractions. You seemed fine when you left his apartment, but the tears that hit your pillow later that night said a different story.

Guilt overcame you. You gave in, you both did. At the time it seemed fine, but now you feel like you’ve committed the worst sin possible. You want Peter to live, yet you still pushed for a deeper relationship. Yes, it was consensual, but in the end you gave into your addiction, and you were terrified a relapse would strike at any minute. You wanted to keep the memory of the weekend pure, but regret was clouding the edges. You doomed Peter, and as much as you blamed him, you blame yourself even more.

It was close to midnight when Peter finally cleaned up and finished his work. It kept his mind off you for the time being, but an ache in his heart appeared right after. He wasn’t tired when he got ready for bed, and without you he doubts he’ll sleep as soundly. As he turns off all the lights in the house, he stops at the living room last.

Your science fair photo no longer sat in the darkness of a drawer. Peter puts it on his nightstand instead, where you belong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say, but please leave Kudos and comments cause I love to hear from you all!! Hope you enjoyed, cause I'm getting anxious about the ending ahhhhhhhh


	4. Month Four, Depression: Is Homecoming Spelled L-I-Z or E-V-I-L?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The theme of homecoming is “A Night to Remember” … how convenient.

“I look like a floppy cupcake in this,” you deadpan.

The last place MJ wanted to be this Thursday afternoon was a fancy dress shop. However, it wasn’t till today during gym that she found out you still didn’t have a dress for homecoming. Of course, you would procrastinate this till the last second.

Don’t get her wrong, she keeps telling everyone the dance is stupid (even though she’s still going with you guys), but she’s noticed how lovey dovey you’ve been with Peter these past few weeks. If him and Ned were going to the dance, then she was going to make sure you did too. And, she would come to make sure you didn’t flake out or ditch halfway through.

She also thinks it’ll be kind of fun, but she won’t tell you that.

“I wouldn’t say that. If anything, it’s more like a macaron,” MJ quips back.

“Very funny,” you roll your eyes. “I’ve probably tried on at least ten of these, and none of them even look decent on me.”

Facing the mirror once again, you cringe at your reflection. The dresses were fine, but none of them seemed right. Though at this point, you’re just looking for something that’ll get the job done. Homecoming was the last thing on your mind, despite all the events and constant announcements. You had other priorities. And other distractions…

It wasn’t a shock that you were too busy thinking about Peter. What surprised you was the numbness you felt after that weekend. You thought that even if you weren’t together, your relationship would feel at least a little better, but something was still gnawing at you. If anything, everything between you felt _more_ uncertain.

Looking through the racks again, MJ sees this as an opportunity: it was time for her latest confrontation. She’s noticed you’ve been spending more time with Peter, and though you’ve been making time for her as well, you seem to be leaving her in the dark more and more each day. She respects your privacy and everything, but it also looks like there’s something on your mind. And what better way to help than to pry into your personal life?

“I’m guessing you and Peter are good then?” she asks.

You gulp at the question. “What do you mean? We’ve always been fine.”

“That’s not what you said at Liz’s party-“

“Well, we’re not together if that’s what you meant. We’re too busy to worry about that right now.” You lie.

“Are you at least heading toward that direction?”

You don’t respond right away to her question. You too were unsure where it was going. If she asked you this right after your weekend with Peter, you would’ve explained how you were still “just friends”. Now, after what happened yesterday, it seems that an answer is still in the air.

_“How does it feel to finally be released from prison?” you laugh._

_After two weeks, Peter was finally free from the shackles of detention. You needed to finish editing your newspaper story after school, so you decided to wait another ten minutes to walk home with Peter. You even surprised him with a juice box you saved from lunch._

_“I feel like a new man. Much tougher than I was before, can’t you tell the difference?”_

_“Oh, for sure. Only tough men drink orange vanilla Hi-C.”_

_“Exactly. I’m beyond that pink lemonade crap.”_

_You wave the juice around in a grand gesture before handing it over. The walk to the subway only takes a few minutes, and you make sure to keep your hands on the straps of your backpack the entire time. If you didn’t, you definitely would’ve grabbed his hand in yours, and you weren’t sure if that was a good idea, or if that was what he wanted anymore. Do you pretend that nothing ever happened, or do you just forget that anything happened? One leaves you where you were before, and the other leaves you somewhere you don’t know._

_The plan to keep your distance didn’t look so good when you got to the station. The train had no free seats left, leaving you and Peter to have to share a pole. You make sure your hand grips the metal at least a few inches away from Peter’s to avoid any chance of contact. There were only two more stops until he had to leave and take the bus, so you figured nothing could go wrong._

_“Apparently Betty’s soulmate is on the Decathlon team, but she won’t say who. MJ doesn’t think it’s Flash, but I told her it would explain why Betty hasn’t said anything. Still doesn’t make much sense, since Flash would have definitely told everyone, but I’m not sure who else it could be.” you said._

_Keeping the conversation normal wasn’t hard, but it also felt like Peter wasn’t in the right headspace. He would reply and joke back, but it didn’t seem as genuine, as if it went in one ear and out the other. Perhaps this “just friends” phase is tougher on him than you. After all, you were the one that has liked him all this time. So, you gave him the benefit of the doubt; he only just recently accepted the fact that you were soulmates (which you were still kind of salty about, but whatever)._

_“She’ll probably be at the dance, so just see who she’s near. Or not near, if she won’t say who.” Peter shrugs._

_“That might work. It’ll give MJ some enjoyment, that’s for sure. I’m just happy we’re all going together,”_

_Neither of you really talked about the dance, despite the spirit being all around you. Peter and Liz were probably done, considering he hasn’t even mentioned her once, let alone talk to her. Though you wished he was your date, a singles date with him and your friends didn’t sound all that bad. Mouth slightly parted, Peter looked as if he was about to say something. Sadly, he was a little too late, his stop coming into view._

_“I’ll see you tomorrow then, yeah?” you smile, looking up at the boy._

_Peter doesn’t return the goodbye. He looks at you, eyes slightly wild. His breathing was heavier than before, and he knows he has to get off the car. He doesn’t have time to say what he wants, so he does one better._

_One hand on his bag, his other is placed softly under your chin. He raises your face to meet his and pulls you into a kiss. It was short, but feverish all the same. Peter put all his tension into his mouth and onto yours, his face pulled tight with conflict. Letting go of your bottom lip at the very last second, he then leaves the car, watching you as the doors close._

_Now it’s your turn to have crazy eyes. Your jaw goes slack, and a million thoughts run through your head. It was like a jigsaw puzzle. Though most parts were connected, you were still missing a few pieces. And without them, the whole picture wasn’t complete. Your relationship was making sense, but that kiss didn’t seem to fit with the rest._

_You thought that maybe you were still more than friends. But when Peter turns around, he doesn’t look back. Afterward, the kiss felt like nothing more than a dream._

“I’m not sure where we’re going,” you admit.

You don’t meet her eyes when you say this, still browsing through the endless hangers. MJ notices this and focuses her full attention on you. She doesn’t quite believe you, but she could usually tell when you were lying. After watching -and gagging- at you two, it seemed as though you were already in a relationship. So to see your dull, droopy eyes aimlessly look around the shop left many of her questions unanswered.

MJ already found her dress a while ago, picking the first one she saw and going with it. Her fashion sense unusual to some, you think it’s one of the things that made her so cool, and therefore your best friend. Ned was a close second, and god knows where Peter is on the best friend spectrum. She leaves you to go check out, and you hopelessly head back to the dressing room with a few more options. When you entered the room, a familiar face was reflected on the mirrored walls.

“Y/N, hey! How are you?” Liz smiles.

Your mouth grows dry at the sight of her. You haven’t seen her all that much with Decathlon being done for the year, and part of you almost forgot about her.

Emphasis on _almost_...

“I’m good, just trying on dresses,” you reply, trying your best to leave before it gets awkward. “Are you gonna get that one?”

“I’m not sure, I don’t think I can really pull it off,”

Envy crept up your spine. She looked amazing as per usual, the deep red dress complimenting her glowing skin. Hell, Liz could wear a garbage bag and still be the it-girl. You were surprised she hasn’t found her soulmate yet, let alone a date to the dance. She was nothing but amazing. A part of you felt bad that Peter wasn’t going with her anymore.

“I think it looks great on you,” you say, a soft smile grazing your face.

“Thanks, maybe I’ll get it after all. Hopefully, it’ll match Peter’s tie.”

Your smile falters. “You- you’re going with Peter?”

“Yeah, he asked me last week. We were texting about colors last night- something on the red or blue side, I think. We’ve been trying to figure out a plan all week, but he’s so busy all the time,”

“Hey Y/N, did you find anything yet?” you hear MJ call. “Oh- hi Liz, didn’t know you were here too. What’s up?”

The two girls started making small talk while you watched from the sidelines, eyes quickly flickering between the two. Good thing that MJ found you because you were at a loss for words. What the hell was Liz talking about? Did Peter not call off their date? You mentioned your group on the subway, and yet Peter never corrected you. He’s had the past few days to mention something to you, to anyone else, but he never did. You weren’t sure whether or not to kick yourself for assuming he wasn’t going with her.

What trips you up the most is the timeline of it all. If they were talking about homecoming last night, that means it happened _after_ Peter got home. After he kissed you. You couldn't help but feel cheated on as you could practically feel the salt on your tongue.

“Well I need to go find my mom, so I’ll see you guys later. Peter and I are going with a group, but we should totally hang out at the dance.” Liz says, sending a wave as she leaves the dressing room.

MJ turns back to you, eyes slightly squinted. “Uh, I didn’t know she and Peter were a thing.”

Your shoulders tensed at the comment. If you weren’t in public, you would’ve cried right then and there. There was nothing but a knife in your back, and though that might sound dramatic, the last thing you expected in your relationship with Peter was betrayal.

“Yeah well, me neither…”

\---

**Peter: Want to study and hang out after school today?**

A simple text and your blood starts to boil. You were already anxious to get to school today, and this message was the last thing you needed. You decide to ignore the message for now as you shove your phone back into your coat pocket and focus on the bumps along your train ride. You knew you couldn’t ignore him forever, but you could at least use this time for some peace and quiet.

Yet as you tried to think about something else, you continued to debate about bringing up the topic. It was for the best if you acted as if everything was normal, but you wanted to give that jerk a piece of your mind. If you didn’t say anything, it might make him think he didn’t do anything wrong. Conflict occupied your head as you entered the front doors of Midtown, but when you saw Peter near your locker, it felt like time was frozen. For a moment, all your previous feelings disappeared.

His face was rosy from the harsh, chilly wind. More curls fell in his face than normal, his hair gel not strong enough for the weather. He stands up straighter at the sight of you, no longer leaning on the metal, and gives you a cheeky grin. Seeing the boy, all cozy in his layers, makes you realize how difficult it was to ignore him. He was nothing but warmth, but even that won’t permanently take away the frustration that grew. In the end, he was still going with Liz. He still pushed you away.

When you met him at your locker, you exchanged small hellos. You try not to meet his eyes, hoping that’ll grant you some security. Peter doesn’t think anything of it, still shaking off the sleep from the morning.

“Did you get my text?” he asks.

“Yeah sorry, I guess I just forgot to reply,” you mumble, pretending to find something in your locker.

“Oh, that’s fine. Just let me know if you’re free tonight, yeah?”

You reluctantly nod before quickly walking to your first period. There was still seven or so minutes until class, and the sudden exit left Peter puzzled. He tries not to think about it; maybe you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or had to do something before class.

When you didn’t show up to lunch, Peter started to realize something was up. Ned said that you needed calculus help, but he knew that wasn’t true. You got the highest score on the last test, which made Peter a tad jealous, but that was beside the point. When he spotted you after fourth period, you were walking with MJ and laughing at something she said. But when you turned and saw him across the hall, your smile turned stale as you turned the other direction, taking the long way to your next class. It was definitely personal, although Peter couldn’t figure out why. Fortunately, it seemed that someone at the table knew. 

“So Peter,” MJ starts, stabbing her salad. “turns out you’re not going with us to homecoming.”

Ned does a double-take. “Wait what? You’re ditching us?”

Peter bites his lip and sends a small eye roll to the curly brunette. Sure, he should’ve said something sooner, especially when they all assumed he was on board. It just seemed easier to avoid all of it at the time. The last thing he needed was two pairs of eyes glaring at him.

“Apparently, Peter over here is going with Liz and her group.”

“Guess we’re over here exposing everything,” Peter mumbles. “We were talking about it last week and I just happened to ask her while I was at it, alright? It’s nothing serious.”

He takes a pause, tilting his head toward MJ. “How did you even find out about that?”’

“Liz told me. Y/N and I saw her yesterday while we were shopping. Let me tell you, we were both pretty shocked.” she sets her fork down before standing up. “I need to get going, see you losers later.”

She throws her food away and leaves the cafeteria, not before giving Peter the side-eye. Turns out he annoyed a couple of people today, but at least now he has an idea of why. He looks down, picking at the cold turkey sandwich in front of him.

Lying wasn’t a part of your relationship anymore. You were beyond secrets and hidden feelings, but when he saw the smile on your face when you talked about homecoming, he couldn’t bear to tell you the truth. The whole situation just felt _wrong_.

He didn’t know what you two were either. The safer option was friends, but that was also the harder option. He didn’t want to forget, even if it hurt him to remember. Forgetting would have been the same as ignoring, pretending that there was nothing there when there clearly was. Your relationship was special, and he would be damned if he threw it all away, but he should have known better. He wished you didn’t find out from someone else.

“Are you seriously going with Liz?” Ned breaks the silence. “I mean, yeah she’s cool and all, but you kinda already have a soulmate. And I was fine with you doing your thing at first, but it’s clearly pissing some people off.”

“Yeah, I got that much,” he grumbles. “I don’t even know what I’m doing, dude. I was gonna break the news to Y/N, but everything is just a mess right now.”

“Well, no offense, it kinda seems like you’re making the mess, Peter. I mean, you found your soulmate, who just so happens to be your friend, and you didn’t give her the time of day until a month ago. She knows about Spider-Man, she supports what you’re doing, and was the one to help you after the Stark incident. You won’t tell us why you won’t be together, but how bad can it be?”

“-it’s complicated, okay? Bad things could happen if we’re together, and the last thing I want is for anyone to get hurt.”

Ned sighs. “I’m no MJ, but from what I can tell, it seems that you’re both hurt that you’re _not_ together.”

The bell signals the end of the lunch period, leaving their discussion unfinished. Ned stands up to leave, but Peter remains seated, narrowing his eyes where his friend once sat. Though Peter was going to argue back, he knew his friend had a point.

“Neither of you is going to figure anything out if you don’t talk to each other,” his friend shrugs. “I’ll see you in sixth,”

Peter doesn’t say anything back, still deep in thought. Lately, he has been using actions to compensate for his lack of words. It worked well enough at the time, but he couldn’t do it forever. Eventually, Peter becomes the last person in the cafeteria. He throws his food away, and only then does he realize that he never touched any of it.

\---

The rest of your Friday was spent with you moping around in your room, isolating yourself for as long as you could. Luckily, your parents decided to get out of your hair and go out this weekend. They probably assumed the next few days would be filled with parties and fun, while in reality, your motivation to go was deteriorating by the second.

Eventually, when the following evening arrived you found yourself all put together and glammed up for the big event. You went rather simple this year, knowing in advance that you’d be too lazy to go all out for a dance you’ve already been to. “A Night to Remember” seemed like a rather cheesy theme, but with Liz in charge, you knew it would be a hit. You hope her night goes well, even if it's with Peter. After all, none of this is really her fault.

You made a plan with your trio to hang out at your place beforehand. Knowing that tons of other people would be out taking pictures and eating all over town, something small and cozy was your way to go. MJ never really hung out with either of the boys unless it was to study, but it wasn’t awkward in the slightest. Perhaps she could become an official member of your group.

“Most likely to be an alien here is MJ, obviously. She definitely knows more than she’s letting on,” you said.

“Oh always, it’s part of my charm.” She comments, making the two of you laugh.

“Fair point. Where else can I get the latest Midtown gossip?”

“Wait what? I want to get in on this club.” Ned gasps, leaning in. “Whatcha got?”

“Well, the other day I overheard Betty talking about her and a possible soulmate…”

As your friend starts to tell the story, you hear a knock at the door. You jump up, hoping it’s the pizza that you ordered. Motioning that you’ll be right back, the two ignore you and continue their conversation. You grab your wallet and swing the door open.

To your surprise, and disappointment, the person on the other side wasn’t the delivery man. Clad in a suit and tie, the boy in front of you held a rose instead of pizza boxes.

“Peter?” You asked. “What the hell are you doing here?”

MJ and Ned must have heard you from the kitchen, their voices growing quiet. Everyone can feel the tension in the air, and it made Peter more nervous than ever. He stares between you and the group as his throat started to close up. It takes a gulp or two for him to respond.

“I uh- sorry to crash, I just needed to talk to you.” He stutters.

You could tell he was anxious to even be here, let alone talk to you. His eyes were wide as rocked back and forth on his heels. Turning your head, you stare at MJ for an answer. She only shrugs, leaving you to decide for yourself.

You sigh. “Yeah sure, whatever. Give me a sec, I’ll meet you in my room.” 

Peter nods as you open the door wider. He looks between his friends as he goes down the hall. Both seem a little uncomfortable, but raise their eyebrows as he passes: a look meaning _don’t mess this up_.

Your feet stay planted as you lock the front door. You didn’t want to talk right now. Things were going well tonight, and a confrontation from your soulmate could break that. But you also didn’t have it in you to close the door on his face, so option one it is.

Ned mumbles a “good luck” to you as you walk closer. Throwing your pizza money on the table, you return the gratitude with a smile.

... They were definitely going to talk about you guys when you were gone.

Peter stands up from his place on the bed when he sees you come in, shoving one hand in his pocket while the other has a death grip on the red rose. You gently close the door behind you as you walk to the middle of your room, keeping a few feet apart.

Seeing you in your dress sends a small smile to Peter's face. He thought you looked amazing. Well, he always thought that, but tonight you took his breath away. Peter found it adorable that you wore your favorite color, the lace fabric hugging your figure perfectly. If you guys weren’t stuck in such an awkward limbo, he would hold you in his arms and kiss the crap out of you.

“Nice rose. It’ll match Liz’s dress perfectly.” You sneer. Doesn’t he know that they’re your favorite?

“Listen Y/N, I’m really sorry-“

“Then why didn’t you tell me sooner? Or at all, for that matter. What, did you think it was a better idea to kiss me instead of telling me the truth? You had no right to do that, especially when we’re not together.”

“I know that and I’m sorry. I would feel awful if I backed out on my promise to Liz, especially when she's done much for this dance. And I wanted to tell you on the subway, but I didn’t have time. I just wanted to kiss you and pretend everything was okay, even if it was for a second… I know these are bad excuses, but it’s still the truth. I tried to avoid all this because I thought I could protect you from getting hurt, but clearly, it still happens no matter what. I made a mess of things, and that’s on me.” 

You were at a loss for words. In your heart, you knew nothing more could happen between you two. Hearing his explanation, your anger has now settled into despair. You desperately wanted things to be better, but there was always something stopping it.

Tears prickle your eyes. “I hate this so much, Pete. I want things to be easier.”

“Yeah, I do too.”

Peter has been slowly stepping closer to you throughout your conversation, ending up only a few inches away from you. He wants to wipe away the tears from your face, but he restrains himself from making contact. Though you both wanted to pull each other closer, it didn’t seem right to do now. It feels like minutes pass until he speaks again.

“You look beautiful by the way. I wish I could take you instead.” He whispers. “I’d do anything for you if things weren’t like this. You’ve always been my best friend. Even if it didn’t seem like it, you always were. I’m sorry if I ruined that.”

You shook your head. “You didn’t ruin it. If anything, I should be sorry for pushing us. I could’ve found a way to be okay with it.” You stare straight into his eyes as you bite your lip. Though you were full-on crying at this point, you didn’t want anyone to hear it. 

He takes another step closer. “But I don’t regret what happened, because it showed me how I actually felt. Even before this, I think we had something between us. I was just… too blind to see it.”

You close your eyes tight, letting all the waterworks spill. All your life, the idea of a soulmate seemed to be a forever thing. Finding them, growing old, and living your days out in pure bliss. Your soulmate was everything you needed and more, yet the two of you never stood a chance. And that broke you.

Leaning toward Peter, you tilt your head to the side and press a kiss to his cheek. It just barely grazed his skin, but he could still feel the sensation afterward.

“You should go, don’t wanna keep your date waiting.” You said.

Peter’s breath hitches. He rubs his face, hoping to wipe away his sudden emotions. Seeing you cry made him want to as well, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good for either of you. He heads for the door, but before he leaves, he turns to give you one last look.

When he walks out that door, everything you guys had is gone. All your feelings for one another will be locked in a box and thrown away forever. The weekend left you guys uncertain, but this moment finalizes it all. It was goodbye to whatever you two were.

You smile through your tears and give the love of your life a nod. You understood what this meant, and you had accepted it too. He leaves your room, and eventually your apartment, before you start bawling again.

Peter doesn’t even make it out of the house when he does. 

\---

MJ and Ned try their best to ignore the scene they witnessed, but you can tell they were concerned about you the whole way to school. You tried to tell them you were fine, though your puffy eyes told a different story. But you wouldn’t take staying home as an answer, especially if it meant ruining your friends’ night.

You were one of the first to arrive, the rest of your friends eventually showing up within the next few minutes. Peter and Liz haven’t showed up yet, but as your group started dancing those thoughts were pushed away. Though you were nowhere near over everything that’s happened over the past twenty-four hours, all the chaos around you would be a good distraction. Maybe for a little bit, everything would be okay.

Peter wished he could say the same. He was sweating by the time he got into the gym, and the crowds of people didn’t help him cool down either. Liz doesn’t notice, too busy making her rounds to see all her friends. Despite all the bustling, everything felt slow for Peter. He stood in the middle of the gym for what felt like hours when Liz found him, pulling him into the swarms.

Eventually, she takes him to the rest of the Decathlon team, with Betty and Ned dancing like there was no tomorrow. Many of the girls start saying hi to him and Liz, but Peter searches the crowd for a familiar face. His senses go into overload as the bass pounds into his skull. Were the lights always this bright?

He tries to keep his focus on the giant clock on the wall, hoping to stabilize whatever coherence he had left. He's only been here for ten minutes, but a lot can happen in that time. Specifically, when you’re a bad guy with an agenda. 

The last thing anyone hears from Peter is a soft, “I’m sorry,” before he takes a running start out of the gym.

Meanwhile, you've been in the bathroom for a while now, leaving the gym the moment you saw Peter and Liz. You knew you would see the two eventually, but when you actually saw them coming toward you and your group, your feet had a mind of its own. For a second, you could’ve sworn you had a heart attack. Yeah, he wasn’t Liz’s, but then again, he wasn’t yours either. The thought made your heart break ten times over.

By this point, you were sure at least MJ noticed your disappearance, possibly your other friends as well. However, no one came in to disturb you, and you were thankful for the moment of privacy. You were also thankful for past you who was smart enough to bring tissues and makeup wipes.

Your quiet quickly disappears when you hear large crashes outside. The tile below you shakes, so whatever’s happening can’t be far. You slowly creak open the door, but when you pop your head out the hallway is empty. Another crash. And possibly the sound of glass?

**_Peter…_ **

Your heart speeds up, clearly, something bad is going down. You sprint as fast as your ankles allow, your heels clacking on the vinyl. As if running wasn’t difficult enough.

Bursting through the back door, the parking lot is close to decimated. Half the school busses were pushed to their sides while the others were in pieces. You hope to god that Peter isn’t in any of them. You dash between the shards as best as you can, eventually finding the infamous duo.

“What the actual fuck, guys?” You screech, catching the boys’ attention. You notice Peter has changed out of his suit and into his Spider-Man suit. Well, his old one at least. You forgot that Tony Stark still had his other one. “What just happened?”

“Long story. Liz’s dad is Vulture. He sent his friends to try and vaporize me again. Rude, but whatever. Anyway, I need your guy’s help. Call Happy ASAP. Go to the computer lab and track my cell phone. Also, you might want to call the police on that guy over there.” Peter pants, trying to catch his breath.

You snap your head. On the bus across the lot was an unconscious man all webbed up (to which Ned will talk nonstop about how he helped catch a bad guy). You were more confused than shocked.

Ned instinctively nods before running back inside. Peter was about to swing away when he notices you’re still here. He sees your eyes wavering between him and the wreck behind him. There was something you wanted to say, but you weren’t quite sure how or what.

“I’ll be okay, Y/N. Don’t worry.” 

“I believe you, Pete. But please, for the love of god, don't be wrong.” You choke, eyes wide. He nods in agreement before swinging away. You watch him until he disappears into the bustling city.

As you run back inside, a dozen thoughts wrap your head. The Vulture wasn’t some nonsense, lonely bad guy. He had a family, a daughter. You’ve even talked to him a few times when Liz hosted practices. How could he be evil? Did Liz know?

You quickly catch up to Ned, who already has multiple monitors set up. **_He really is the guy-in-the-chair…_**

You lock the door behind you, closing all the nearby blinds to hide you from the chaperones. Hopefully, they were doing the lord's work and were too busy yelling at the grinding couples.

“Got anything, Ned?” you ask, hovering above him.

“Not yet. Tried talking to that Happy guy or whatever; doesn’t seem very amused.”

“Yeah, that makes two of us- shoot hang on. Why the hell is Flash calling me right now?” You smash the answer button. “You better not be calling me cause your date ditched you.”

“Y/N?” the voice surprises you.

“Peter? Why do you have Flash’s phone?”

“Uh well- I might’ve taken his car, but I promise I’ll bring it back. I’m technically just borrowing it.” He explains, although a bit frantic. “Do you see where my phone is? I left it in his car.”

“Turning toward Jackson Street as we speak,” replied Ned. You wince when you hear rubber skidding the road. Flash will be lucky if he gets his car back in one piece.

“Might need some directions on how to work this thing,” Peter cries.

“On it. Also, Mr. Happy hung up on me. Saw some boxes and something about take-off in nine minutes?”

“Take-off?” A string of mumbles leaves Peter’s voice until he screams, “Moving day… it’s moving day! That’s what he’s gonna do tonight! He’s gonna rob the plane!”

“Peter slow down, you’re about to miss the turn.” You caution. More rubber, followed by a tumble of crashes. You were about to panic when a quiet, “I’m okay” is heard from the line. You panic a little less.

“See? I told you I’d be fine,” Peter said, causing you to roll your eyes. “I’m going inside so I’m about to hang up. If I don’t call you back in five minutes, assume something bad is happening.”

“Be careful…”

“I know. I will be.” He sighs. The call cuts off, leaving you and Ned in tension-filled silence. Your friend turns to you look at you, but you don’t meet his glance.

“I’ll call the cops on the bus guy. You keep trying to reach Happy, okay?” He nods at your command.

When the five minutes pass, neither of your phones go off. Thinking the five was just an exaggeration, you wait until another few minutes pass. And another. And another. Eventually, after twenty minutes have gone by, you were calling the number over and over.

“Ned, he’s not answering. We gotta try something else.”

“Well, if you have any ideas, I’m all ears. Without him near the phone, we have nothing to track where he is.” He slumps in his chair.

Your eyes widen. “Unless he’s on the plane…”

“Hey, what are you doing?” Ned asks when you take the keyboard.

“If he’s near the plane with all of Stark’s tech, that means he’s near a ton of energy and heat. If we use a thermal camera, we might be able to find him and that Falcon-wannabe.” You explain.

“I knew I should’ve paid more attention in physics…”

The screen lights up with an array of colors. Though the city is always lit up, there was one place in particular that was brighter than the rest: Coney Island.

“For a park that’s closed right now, the whole beach is still lit up,” Ned said. 

"The plane must've gone down or something, none of the spots are moving.” You reply. Realizing that one of those dots must be Peter, you cross your fingers and hope that he’s winning.

“Whoa whoa whoa. Check that spot right there. It just jumped over a block.” Ned points out. “Just jumped again, heading north into the city.”

**_The city… if he keeps going in that direction…_ **

Your stomach drops. “Ned, I need your shoes.”

He does a double-take. “I’m sorry, what? Did you just ask for my shoes?”

“I’ll explain later. Just give me your goddamn shoes.” You barked as you threw your heels down. Ned reluctantly untied his shoes and slid them your way, not taking his eyes off you. He doesn’t admit it out loud, but you better return them when you’re done. “Get 911 on the phone. Do whatever you can to call Happy or whoever the fuck answers. Tell them there’s an emergency at the Daily Bugle and that Peter is in really big trouble.”

You sprint out the building before Ned can say a word. The cold air bites at your exposed frame, but you ignore it as you continue running through the streets of New York.

**_The suit. The old suit- how could I not have noticed this sooner?_ **

Adrenaline pumped throughout your body. Sweat formed on the nape of your neck as you continued to ignore the burning in your lungs. Running was never your strong suit, but you weren’t stopping anytime soon. Your future appears in your head in flashes. Glass, dirt, rubble, blood, Peter hanging on for dear life.

You had to try and stop it all.

An orchestra of glass shatters a few streets ahead of you. It looks like they got there before you, a bad guy sized hole in several buildings above. You tried to move your legs even faster. The discomfort in your chest was nothing compared to the dread boiling in your gut.

In the sky, a battle between Peter and Vulture took place. After multiple swings and throwdowns, both guys were in bad shape. They were too weak to keep going for much longer, and sparks were flying at the seams of Vulture’s suit. But he wasn’t backing down. His last punch sent Peter smacking into the nearest car below, its alarm blaring an annoying tune. The vehicle flattens upon impact as glass shards surround him.

It hurt Peter to even breathe, even as he pulled off his mask. There was no doubt that at least one or two of his ribs were broken. Vulture dives down to meet him, the metal creaking once again. Punch after punch, Peter’s face turns red as bruises start to form. He can already feel his eye swelling shut from his newfound black eye.

“Still think you can stop me?” He asks, pulling Peter up by his sweatshirt.

“As long as I’m alive, I’ll make sure of it.” Peter spits back. He immediately regrets his word choice when he sees Vulture’s wings shrink closer to his body.

“If you say so…”

His message was followed by intense pressure to Peter’s front. He felt like he was trapped in a hydraulic press, and his mind went blank at the red that painted Vulture’s suit.

Peter doesn’t remember being tossed to the pavement like a ragdoll. Too distraught in his pain, he doesn’t see his enemy taking off into the sky, embers sparking up a storm. All he does is stare into the empty, dark street, waiting for you to recreate your final memory. 

\---

The red and blue catches your eye immediately. He was facedown on the ground, and as you got closer you could see the blood spreading through the concrete. A gasp escapes your mouth, you were too late.

“Peter… Peter please stay with me…” you whispered, trying your best to gently turn him over. He groans at your touch, and you cry out in relief. You propped him up on your bent legs and cradled his face, putting your hand to his wound. He looked worse than you remembered, but maybe it’s because this time, it’s real. This was no longer the future. This was now.

“He escaped… I let him escape-“

“Peter it’s okay. You did your best. We’ll get him next time, okay?”

“I don’t think there’s going to be a next time…” Peter replies, tears glistening his brown eyes. “Y/N I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I don’t know what happened I-“

“Shhhh, it’s okay Peter. It’s okay. You’re okay, I promise.” He nods at your affirmations, trying to distract himself from the tear in his abdomen.

It was all playing out exactly as before. You couldn’t do anything to change what was happening, all you had to do was sit here and wait till this pain was over. You look at the destruction around you. If you were here earlier, maybe this would’ve all been different. The sirens started to play in the background, but you knew when they got here there was nothing they could do.

You could feel the warmth of Peter’s blood on your hand, something that you wished wasn’t so familiar. Bringing it up to your face, it felt that it was your own. As if you were the one that got hurt. And looking at Peter, who was barely registering what was happening, made you want to let out a scream for all of New York to hear. You thought your heart was broken before, but this pain was a million times worse. _Why couldn’t you be the one that died?_

Peter’s mouth was in a permanent frown, his eyebrows knitted tight from the immense pain. If you were saying anything, the ringing in his ears was blocking it out. All he wanted right now was to sleep, and he could feel it wrapping around his head.

He looked at you one more time. Even with the tears and snot, you were still the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. He’d do anything to get you to smile right now, but he was too weak to do anything, let alone speak. All he could do was embrace your warmth as his eyes started to droop.

You cradled his cheek with your clean hand, brushing at the cut on his lower lip. This was the last time you would see him alive, and you wanted to remember everything, dirt and all. Avoiding the gash on top, you sent a soft kiss to his forehead, your way of saying goodbye.

“I love you,” you mumble on his skin.

And though Peter wanted so desperately to say it too, the darkness consumed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY I PROMISE IT WILL GETTER BETTER NEXT CHAPTER!!!!! ILL TRY TO UPDATE SOON BUT ITLL PROBABLY COME AROUND THANKSGIVING CAUSE SCHOOL SUCKS BUTT BUT ANYWAYS I AM SORRY AHASDLKFJ;ASLDKFHASDLKFH I HATE BEING THE BAD GUY
> 
> also please kudos and comments... i love youuuu :))))


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